The meadow's lark tries in secret
The meadow's lark flies in secret
The meadow's lark lies in secret
The meadow's lark cries in secret
The meadow's lark dies in secret
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
verdant scene
a thrust through the thick bush
a garden replete with a lucious covering
a pierce and swing, unlocking the door
gateway of vine, gently, loudly, quietly yielding
stepping in green tinged light
carefully treading the lilies
lilies not for graves but offerings
wild sylvester sprinkled in the gaps
heaving, bleeding, the pause is untrusted
the chase has been ruthless
rustling leaves and cracking branches
trembling respite breaks again
new sweat drips down the brow
conscious stillness and tempered focus
the sounds flow in an outward march
the secret dome mutes the sigh
clear water mirrors a blinding sun
a safer rest sinks in with each drink
the sweat rolls down the chin and falls
a thundering echo booms through the wood
the heart flits in exasperation
the gaping hole, a fount of blood
air is for naught, light is for naught
every drop of life feeds the lilies
a garden replete with a lucious covering
a pierce and swing, unlocking the door
gateway of vine, gently, loudly, quietly yielding
stepping in green tinged light
carefully treading the lilies
lilies not for graves but offerings
wild sylvester sprinkled in the gaps
heaving, bleeding, the pause is untrusted
the chase has been ruthless
rustling leaves and cracking branches
trembling respite breaks again
new sweat drips down the brow
conscious stillness and tempered focus
the sounds flow in an outward march
the secret dome mutes the sigh
clear water mirrors a blinding sun
a safer rest sinks in with each drink
the sweat rolls down the chin and falls
a thundering echo booms through the wood
the heart flits in exasperation
the gaping hole, a fount of blood
air is for naught, light is for naught
every drop of life feeds the lilies
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
What's-her-face
I've reached a curious point in my knowledge of Japanese. I understand that learning a language is an ongoing process and I've a long road ahead of me even now. However, I've entered a stage that is somewhat unnerving, if not a little bit frustrating. I can best explain it, perhaps, through a metaphor. Whenever I see or hear Japanese now it's as though I'm seeing somebody I've seen a lot in my life for the past few years. This person is awfully familiar and I'm sure I know them. Her features aren't too clear but I can certainly notice some key aspects; the color of the person's eyes or skin tone. Yet within that perception, I'm entirely unable to remember her name. I have countless experiences with this person and I'm sure she's a big part of my life but I can't say I really truly know her. We're just acquaintances, as far as I could tell.
Socially speaking then, I've probably reached the point where it's awkward to ask that person's name because I really should remember it. Of course, that's not exactly the case with the language itself. Instead, I'm at a loss trying to figure out how to get over the hump, so to speak. The other day I was listening to some Japanese music (中島美嘉 if you're curious) and it just hit me that I was understanding most of the words but I just couldn't piece them together to form a thought and thus missed the whole meaning. That's where the above analogy came from. Now, that might just be an effect of it being a song and there not being natural inflections to the lyrics, not to mention they are lyrics so there's a chance they make limited sense on their own. However, the same things seems to happen more or less to the same degree whenever I hear dialogue in a japanese video game, for instance.
Maybe what I need is just to spend more time listening to things in Japanese. At least until it reeeally starts to sink in. Maybe that'll just keep me at this level forever! I should just try to find somebody to speak and practice with. I have the sneaking suspicion that might just be what I need to get through this point. Now to actually finding this kind of person... and then hopefully remembering their name!
Socially speaking then, I've probably reached the point where it's awkward to ask that person's name because I really should remember it. Of course, that's not exactly the case with the language itself. Instead, I'm at a loss trying to figure out how to get over the hump, so to speak. The other day I was listening to some Japanese music (中島美嘉 if you're curious) and it just hit me that I was understanding most of the words but I just couldn't piece them together to form a thought and thus missed the whole meaning. That's where the above analogy came from. Now, that might just be an effect of it being a song and there not being natural inflections to the lyrics, not to mention they are lyrics so there's a chance they make limited sense on their own. However, the same things seems to happen more or less to the same degree whenever I hear dialogue in a japanese video game, for instance.
Maybe what I need is just to spend more time listening to things in Japanese. At least until it reeeally starts to sink in. Maybe that'll just keep me at this level forever! I should just try to find somebody to speak and practice with. I have the sneaking suspicion that might just be what I need to get through this point. Now to actually finding this kind of person... and then hopefully remembering their name!
Monday, October 12, 2009
The Death of TaT
I've recently gotten to thinking I ought to write about topics other than myself in this blog. However, despite that initial statement, this post is about me. Particularly it is about my nickname: TaT. I suppose it's only fair I explain the origin of TaT for what to me appears the millionth time. Of course, as this is not casual conversation I can actually take my time and give a fuller, more detailed account.
What normally occurs when people ask me about the peculiar name I give is as follows. There's a chance people will begin by asking if it's because I have tattoos. Upon learning that I don't, I generally begin by explaining that TaT is a shortened version of Tatito, "which is my nickname back home." People then invariably ask me what Tatito means, or where that came from. To this I reply explaining that Tatito is the minuscule of Tato, which is, apparently, the nickname naturally given to Emilio's the way Roberts become Bobs and Richards become Dicks, though there may be other reasons certain Richards become dicks :P. The whole Emilio -> Tato thing I only came to know fairly recently. I back that up by relating that my father's name is Emilio and as it's the same as mine, we are both Tato but I am little Tato, thus Tatito.
The next logical link in the chain is how Tatito became TaT. Simply put, I dropped the -ito, and while normally that would revert it to Tato, I liked the ring - and particularly the symmetry, or perhaps balance - of TaT. Now for shortness' sake I often leave it there and people are commonly content with that explanation, as it is already rather lengthy. However, there is more to the story. You see, this change isn't recent. I've been using the TaT moniker since high school. Initially it was the most recent of a string of screen names I used in the MSN Messenger instant messaging client. Previous examples include, much to my dismay ( though I can chalk it off as junior high awkwardness), DragonScythe (as the earliest I can remember and which inspired a short-lived and never finished fantasy novel I had begun to write) and CookySpooky (as the weirdest I can remember), which incidentally has made a comeback as my user name for youtube.
For quite a while, TaT remained as nothing more than my MSN nickname since I didn't have many friends outside of school and I had been Emilio to the ones I had for far too long for them to call me anything else. It wasn't until I started going to youth group at a new church that I was able to give naming myself a go. This was the first time in my life I was introducing myself with no one to recant my claim, which, mind you, makes all the difference. And so, I called myself TaT and somehow it just stuck and people actually called me by it. A comical side effect of said quasi-truthful introduction was that it was several months before many people at that church came to know my real name. Needless to say, I was greatly amused. Ultimately I got so used to be called TaT by English speakers (the youth group was of an American-style church) that when I went to college in the US using TaT to introduce myself was nothing less than a no-brainer. And that's about as much as you could ever hope to know about "TaT".
So back to the point of the post. The other day I was driving and thinking to myself, as I often do when I drive, that the number of people who still call me TaT are people whom I am not in contact with on a very regular basis. In coming to the Bay Area to work at Tiny Prints, I have unconsciously - or so I tell myself - left TaT out of most of my introductions. It goes without saying that for the past month or so I've been meeting a great deal of people.
Probably the strangest part of it all is the fact that I think I might be ok with not being called TaT. It's partially linked to the fact that I've always kept TaT out of my professional life. As an aside, I'll add that "TaT Gandara" is one of my biggest pet peeves. TaT is strictly and exclusively a stand-alone title. Like I mentioned earlier, in school I was always Emilio and even in college, I was only TaT outside of the classroom. In fact, this came to cause some confusion when I shared friends whom I had met within and outside the classroom so that one knew me by TaT and the other by Emilio.
In any case, said confusions have never bothered me. Yet now as the numbers stagnate and even dwindle, I wonder if TaT is beginning to take part in my permanent history and strictly inhabiting my past. I've even gone as far as to wonder 'have I outgrown it?' but the very thought frightens me. I need no further reminder that I'm not getting any younger, even at such an early age. And then I ponder if I, in fact, wish to continue to be called TaT.
For better or worse, there have been recent developments leading to a prolongation of TaT's livelihood. At Eric's (my sempai* at work) church one of the members came to know of TaT during our conversation and in a move very much like how Osaka from Azumanga Daioh got her nick name,
announced to the congregation that I shall henceforth be known as TaT instead of Emilio. I could naught but acquiesce though I can't say I have any true complaints :). Meanwhile at the church in Redwood City, it's rather a mess with me sort of going back and forth adding the TaT part of my introduction only half the time. I suppose I should just pick one, but I am inclined to use Emilio as there isn't that much youth in that congregation. ...Perhaps, seeing as how my litmus test has become there "being much youth", I really might be outgrowing TaT.
So for now, at least, TaT still is alive and kicking. I do believe, however, that so long as I keep in touch with my Rochester, Cleveland or Rocklin friends (and particularly my family, as my nephews are growing up getting to know me as TioTaT), I shall be TaT. Or Tatticus, TaT the rat, Tatterclese, Rattatat-tat...
*sempai (先輩）is Japanese for superior/senior often used in school or work settings.
What normally occurs when people ask me about the peculiar name I give is as follows. There's a chance people will begin by asking if it's because I have tattoos. Upon learning that I don't, I generally begin by explaining that TaT is a shortened version of Tatito, "which is my nickname back home." People then invariably ask me what Tatito means, or where that came from. To this I reply explaining that Tatito is the minuscule of Tato, which is, apparently, the nickname naturally given to Emilio's the way Roberts become Bobs and Richards become Dicks, though there may be other reasons certain Richards become dicks :P. The whole Emilio -> Tato thing I only came to know fairly recently. I back that up by relating that my father's name is Emilio and as it's the same as mine, we are both Tato but I am little Tato, thus Tatito.
The next logical link in the chain is how Tatito became TaT. Simply put, I dropped the -ito, and while normally that would revert it to Tato, I liked the ring - and particularly the symmetry, or perhaps balance - of TaT. Now for shortness' sake I often leave it there and people are commonly content with that explanation, as it is already rather lengthy. However, there is more to the story. You see, this change isn't recent. I've been using the TaT moniker since high school. Initially it was the most recent of a string of screen names I used in the MSN Messenger instant messaging client. Previous examples include, much to my dismay ( though I can chalk it off as junior high awkwardness), DragonScythe (as the earliest I can remember and which inspired a short-lived and never finished fantasy novel I had begun to write) and CookySpooky (as the weirdest I can remember), which incidentally has made a comeback as my user name for youtube.
For quite a while, TaT remained as nothing more than my MSN nickname since I didn't have many friends outside of school and I had been Emilio to the ones I had for far too long for them to call me anything else. It wasn't until I started going to youth group at a new church that I was able to give naming myself a go. This was the first time in my life I was introducing myself with no one to recant my claim, which, mind you, makes all the difference. And so, I called myself TaT and somehow it just stuck and people actually called me by it. A comical side effect of said quasi-truthful introduction was that it was several months before many people at that church came to know my real name. Needless to say, I was greatly amused. Ultimately I got so used to be called TaT by English speakers (the youth group was of an American-style church) that when I went to college in the US using TaT to introduce myself was nothing less than a no-brainer. And that's about as much as you could ever hope to know about "TaT".
So back to the point of the post. The other day I was driving and thinking to myself, as I often do when I drive, that the number of people who still call me TaT are people whom I am not in contact with on a very regular basis. In coming to the Bay Area to work at Tiny Prints, I have unconsciously - or so I tell myself - left TaT out of most of my introductions. It goes without saying that for the past month or so I've been meeting a great deal of people.
Probably the strangest part of it all is the fact that I think I might be ok with not being called TaT. It's partially linked to the fact that I've always kept TaT out of my professional life. As an aside, I'll add that "TaT Gandara" is one of my biggest pet peeves. TaT is strictly and exclusively a stand-alone title. Like I mentioned earlier, in school I was always Emilio and even in college, I was only TaT outside of the classroom. In fact, this came to cause some confusion when I shared friends whom I had met within and outside the classroom so that one knew me by TaT and the other by Emilio.
In any case, said confusions have never bothered me. Yet now as the numbers stagnate and even dwindle, I wonder if TaT is beginning to take part in my permanent history and strictly inhabiting my past. I've even gone as far as to wonder 'have I outgrown it?' but the very thought frightens me. I need no further reminder that I'm not getting any younger, even at such an early age. And then I ponder if I, in fact, wish to continue to be called TaT.
For better or worse, there have been recent developments leading to a prolongation of TaT's livelihood. At Eric's (my sempai* at work) church one of the members came to know of TaT during our conversation and in a move very much like how Osaka from Azumanga Daioh got her nick name,
announced to the congregation that I shall henceforth be known as TaT instead of Emilio. I could naught but acquiesce though I can't say I have any true complaints :). Meanwhile at the church in Redwood City, it's rather a mess with me sort of going back and forth adding the TaT part of my introduction only half the time. I suppose I should just pick one, but I am inclined to use Emilio as there isn't that much youth in that congregation. ...Perhaps, seeing as how my litmus test has become there "being much youth", I really might be outgrowing TaT.
So for now, at least, TaT still is alive and kicking. I do believe, however, that so long as I keep in touch with my Rochester, Cleveland or Rocklin friends (and particularly my family, as my nephews are growing up getting to know me as TioTaT), I shall be TaT. Or Tatticus, TaT the rat, Tatterclese, Rattatat-tat...
*sempai (先輩）is Japanese for superior/senior often used in school or work settings.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Gar
At the risk of getting sucked into it and not going to sleep until much later, I feel a sudden urge to write... which I will not listen to! Honestly there is a lot to say but at the same time that feeling is overwhelming me and it'd take way too long to write out everything I want to. So, this quick note is for the sake of populating my blog even a tiny bit. And, while not an apology, perhaps this intent will eventually turn into a huge long post in the future with everything that's been this past month. Then again, maybe not.
I'll stop now before I keep going!!!
I'll stop now before I keep going!!!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
I'm back!
Gah! After calling last wednesday - although really I should've called the previous Saturday - and setting up the earliest appointment they could arrange for me, which happened to be the following Monday(!!!), I now have internet at home. It took me all of Monday night just to catch up with everything but now I'm able to relax and had a good hour long kanji practice. It took that long because I settled a little issue I had with Bank of America, or rather logging into my online banking with them.
That's pretty much all I really wanted to say so I'll just stop it here but leave you all with a most amusing link:
Body Paint*
*Don't worry, no nudity ;)
That's pretty much all I really wanted to say so I'll just stop it here but leave you all with a most amusing link:
Body Paint*
*Don't worry, no nudity ;)
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Interval
This morning I officially had my application for the apartment denied. This afternoon I officially signed the lease and paid for and got the keys for the apartment. It's been a long day. Now let me go over the journey between the A and B I just disclosed.
It's important to note that the apartment in question is actually different for each statement. The apartment I checked out last Tuesday is the one that I got denied, the one in Palo Alto. The second one is the one in Sunnyvale. After last Tuesday I left the leasing office with high hopes for the apartment I'd seen and had done the application for. It would only be like 2 days before they approved the application and sent me the lease to sign and then I'd be moving in today. On Thursday, however, I call up and they tell me the application was denied. I'm really surprised but apparently it's because I subleased at Park Point and so they didn't have some sort of record of me living there. I told them about my subleasing there and gave them my Crittenden Court address and they said they'd check again and it probably wouldn't be a problem. They told me to call back the next day and so I did.
Ring.... Ring... Ring... And it goes to the answering machine! I tried a few times and eventually left a message to give it some time. Later that day I still hadn't heard back so I figured I'd try again on Saturday. I ended up not calling on Saturday since it was a pretty busy day (see previous post) and a lot of it I spent on the road so I didn't want to use the phone. I tried calling again on Sunday and still couldn't get through so I left another message. I believe it was on monday that they told me their phone system was down all weekend. Figures! Finally, it wasn't until this morning that I got an e-mail back saying my application was denied and that I would be called by a guy to be told why. At this point I wasn't sure what to do but I figured I had to try to find a new apartment somehow. I couldn't bear to try to once more push back my starting date at Tiny Prints so I could only try as hard as I could to find a new place quickly. Coppelia said I should try to appeal the denial somehow when I get a call from the guy. I didn't want to bank on that though and so I got on Rent.com and sent out a bunch of requests. Well I got an e-mail from one of the places before the call came and I called them and set up an appointment for today. Rent.com didn't have pictures of the apartments themselves or even floor plans so I figured I had to go check it out. I eventually got the call from the guy and turns out they hadn't done the second check with the new information yet. The guy said he'd try it out and call me back in a half hour. A half hour passed and he hadn't called yet so I decided to just head down to Sunnyvale and check out the apartment I made an appointment for.
Suffice to say, the call from the guy never came. On the way to Sunnyvale another of the apartments called but I couldn't even see those because they were 'affordable housing', which you don't qualify to live in if your AGI (adjusted gross income), if I'm not mistaken, is higher than a certain number; and mine was. In either case, I got to the apartments with no problem and proceeded to check it out. It was bigger than the one I'd seen with pretty much the same amenities. Only 20 bucks more per month but for almost 200 sq. ft. of extra space!
The landlady was going crazy trying to be at 10 places at once on top of trying to deal with me. There was a bit of hubbub going around in the place because they were installing new toilets on the entire complex. After the little tour, I decide to seize the opportunity and seal the deal. The landlady and I went to the office to go through the application and do all the paper work. After we had it all done she gives me the total I have to pay to finalize the process. I was ready to pay up with a personal check but apparently they don't take them so I have to go to a bank and get a cashier's check or money order. She says that's fine and tells me how to get to a Bank of America.
I get to the bank and realize I don't have enough money in my BoA account to get the money order. I try to take what I need from the Key bank account but it won't let me take out all I need at once and that any more exceeds the maximum I can take out in one day. After trying several things and nothing working out I eventually give up and call the landlady again to tell her I guess I'll just have to come back some other time and pay up and sign the lease. Note this would have to be a day separate from the move in day and I was very unhappy with having to do that. Surprisingly she says the application already got through and the lease is ready for me to sign it. Furthermore, upon hearing that I can't come up with the full deposit she shows an unnatural amount of generosity dropping the deposit's amount to half of what it originally was and saying that would be fine. God's favor for sure! So I happily go back into the bank (for the 3rd time) and get the cashier's check and head back to the apartments. I signed the lease and gave her the deposit and she gave me the keys. Just like that! I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't have to come back for anything before moving. Next time I go back to Sunnyvale to that apartment it'll be with all my stuff :D.
So in less than 24 hours I went from having no apartment and no leads to signing the lease on a completely new apartment and being completely set to move in! And not only that, it's bigger and closer than the one I'd look at previously. Now I'm really excited to move and start my new job. That'll be a whole 'nother adventure to look forward to, I guess.
It's important to note that the apartment in question is actually different for each statement. The apartment I checked out last Tuesday is the one that I got denied, the one in Palo Alto. The second one is the one in Sunnyvale. After last Tuesday I left the leasing office with high hopes for the apartment I'd seen and had done the application for. It would only be like 2 days before they approved the application and sent me the lease to sign and then I'd be moving in today. On Thursday, however, I call up and they tell me the application was denied. I'm really surprised but apparently it's because I subleased at Park Point and so they didn't have some sort of record of me living there. I told them about my subleasing there and gave them my Crittenden Court address and they said they'd check again and it probably wouldn't be a problem. They told me to call back the next day and so I did.
Ring.... Ring... Ring... And it goes to the answering machine! I tried a few times and eventually left a message to give it some time. Later that day I still hadn't heard back so I figured I'd try again on Saturday. I ended up not calling on Saturday since it was a pretty busy day (see previous post) and a lot of it I spent on the road so I didn't want to use the phone. I tried calling again on Sunday and still couldn't get through so I left another message. I believe it was on monday that they told me their phone system was down all weekend. Figures! Finally, it wasn't until this morning that I got an e-mail back saying my application was denied and that I would be called by a guy to be told why. At this point I wasn't sure what to do but I figured I had to try to find a new apartment somehow. I couldn't bear to try to once more push back my starting date at Tiny Prints so I could only try as hard as I could to find a new place quickly. Coppelia said I should try to appeal the denial somehow when I get a call from the guy. I didn't want to bank on that though and so I got on Rent.com and sent out a bunch of requests. Well I got an e-mail from one of the places before the call came and I called them and set up an appointment for today. Rent.com didn't have pictures of the apartments themselves or even floor plans so I figured I had to go check it out. I eventually got the call from the guy and turns out they hadn't done the second check with the new information yet. The guy said he'd try it out and call me back in a half hour. A half hour passed and he hadn't called yet so I decided to just head down to Sunnyvale and check out the apartment I made an appointment for.
Suffice to say, the call from the guy never came. On the way to Sunnyvale another of the apartments called but I couldn't even see those because they were 'affordable housing', which you don't qualify to live in if your AGI (adjusted gross income), if I'm not mistaken, is higher than a certain number; and mine was. In either case, I got to the apartments with no problem and proceeded to check it out. It was bigger than the one I'd seen with pretty much the same amenities. Only 20 bucks more per month but for almost 200 sq. ft. of extra space!
The landlady was going crazy trying to be at 10 places at once on top of trying to deal with me. There was a bit of hubbub going around in the place because they were installing new toilets on the entire complex. After the little tour, I decide to seize the opportunity and seal the deal. The landlady and I went to the office to go through the application and do all the paper work. After we had it all done she gives me the total I have to pay to finalize the process. I was ready to pay up with a personal check but apparently they don't take them so I have to go to a bank and get a cashier's check or money order. She says that's fine and tells me how to get to a Bank of America.
I get to the bank and realize I don't have enough money in my BoA account to get the money order. I try to take what I need from the Key bank account but it won't let me take out all I need at once and that any more exceeds the maximum I can take out in one day. After trying several things and nothing working out I eventually give up and call the landlady again to tell her I guess I'll just have to come back some other time and pay up and sign the lease. Note this would have to be a day separate from the move in day and I was very unhappy with having to do that. Surprisingly she says the application already got through and the lease is ready for me to sign it. Furthermore, upon hearing that I can't come up with the full deposit she shows an unnatural amount of generosity dropping the deposit's amount to half of what it originally was and saying that would be fine. God's favor for sure! So I happily go back into the bank (for the 3rd time) and get the cashier's check and head back to the apartments. I signed the lease and gave her the deposit and she gave me the keys. Just like that! I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't have to come back for anything before moving. Next time I go back to Sunnyvale to that apartment it'll be with all my stuff :D.
So in less than 24 hours I went from having no apartment and no leads to signing the lease on a completely new apartment and being completely set to move in! And not only that, it's bigger and closer than the one I'd look at previously. Now I'm really excited to move and start my new job. That'll be a whole 'nother adventure to look forward to, I guess.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Wicked
Coppe, Adam and I went to see the play Wicked yesterday and let me just say, I was blown away. The music was excellent, the scenography was unbelievable and the acting and singing was top-notch. Now, I don't really go to musicals a lot so I'm not a good judge/critic but I was really impressed and just instantly loved it. I now want the soundtrack and I'm longing for there to be a movie made of it, which, by the way, I checked and there does seem to be a movie in development so... yay!
For the record, I've never seen Wizard of Oz but I know the general story so I hope I didn't miss much from the musical because of it but even if I did, I loved it. Even halfway through it as it went into the intermission, I felt as though the $40 tickets were already worth it. I could've left happy at that point and there was still over an hour of play left! Thinking about it, the only drawback about the movie is that it's going to have to be shorter and I'm already dreading what they'll cut out of it.
After the play, we left San Fran and were gonna go have dinner and get some chairs at IKEA so we decided to go to the one near San Fran. Well it turns out it was my first time at IKEA and I thought it was great. Everything is surprisingly cheap, and also, one thing that amused me was that all of the designs had names. Even a plates and cups each had their own design and name. That and just about everything was pretty cheap. So now I'm pretty psyched that there's an IKEA across the street from where I'll be living, if I do, in fact, end up living there.
And so, here's a video of a performance from the Tony awards of a song in Wicked.
For the record, I've never seen Wizard of Oz but I know the general story so I hope I didn't miss much from the musical because of it but even if I did, I loved it. Even halfway through it as it went into the intermission, I felt as though the $40 tickets were already worth it. I could've left happy at that point and there was still over an hour of play left! Thinking about it, the only drawback about the movie is that it's going to have to be shorter and I'm already dreading what they'll cut out of it.
After the play, we left San Fran and were gonna go have dinner and get some chairs at IKEA so we decided to go to the one near San Fran. Well it turns out it was my first time at IKEA and I thought it was great. Everything is surprisingly cheap, and also, one thing that amused me was that all of the designs had names. Even a plates and cups each had their own design and name. That and just about everything was pretty cheap. So now I'm pretty psyched that there's an IKEA across the street from where I'll be living, if I do, in fact, end up living there.
And so, here's a video of a performance from the Tony awards of a song in Wicked.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Transitioning
Job? Check.
Car? Check.
Apartment? Pending.
Two out of three's not so bad :D The apartment application is going through a bit of a bump but I'll just do what I can do and trust God with the rest! Tomorrow's officially my last day working for Sherwin-Williams. It sure feels weird thinking that chapter in my life is drawing to a close, and so unassumingly. It almost feels like after I left in November of last year the chapter indeed came to a close and up until now has just been some sort of epilogue. I'll be mailing the work computer back tomorrow and saying good bye to the people at Sherwin.
Speaking of connections in Cleveland, yesterday I got to see Dillon and Kathy who are on their uber awesome road trip honeymoon! We caught up over dinner and dessert and I'm super glad Rocklin was on their way down to San Franciso, where it just so happens I'll be going with Coppelia and Adam (sis and her hubs) to see Wicked on Saturday.
Speaking of San Fran, I'm so excited to be moving down to the Bay Area. I'll be moderately close enough to San Fran to visit it on a regular basis, which I plan to do to hit up Japan Town :D I seriously gotta check out Kinokuniya (japanese book store in Japan Town)! If I move in next Tuesday that week will be a sort of Vacation for me as I won't actually start working at Tiny Prints until the 8th. So I even get a long weekend out of it! :D I'm pretty excited about the apartment though, it's only about 10 mins from work and it's across the street from an Ikea and a Best Buy! Plus, it's got a trendy fireplace. TRENDY. FIREPLACE. Haha, granted that's not really that big a deal to me but it's funny. I do wish I had a dishwasher but I guess I shouldn't be such a lazy bum. Living with my sis sure spoiled me in that sense.
Speaking of dishwashers... just kidding. I've been listening to Ellipse by Imogen Heap (see previous post) a whole lot. Actually, I'm listening to it right now! I love it. It seems I'm having a bit of writers block today so I'll quit at this point and blab about something else at some other point. My mind feels extremely busy lately and right now it's not really helping to write so yeah, gonna step off for a while. Till next time readers :) jaa, ne!
Car? Check.
Apartment? Pending.
Two out of three's not so bad :D The apartment application is going through a bit of a bump but I'll just do what I can do and trust God with the rest! Tomorrow's officially my last day working for Sherwin-Williams. It sure feels weird thinking that chapter in my life is drawing to a close, and so unassumingly. It almost feels like after I left in November of last year the chapter indeed came to a close and up until now has just been some sort of epilogue. I'll be mailing the work computer back tomorrow and saying good bye to the people at Sherwin.
Speaking of connections in Cleveland, yesterday I got to see Dillon and Kathy who are on their uber awesome road trip honeymoon! We caught up over dinner and dessert and I'm super glad Rocklin was on their way down to San Franciso, where it just so happens I'll be going with Coppelia and Adam (sis and her hubs) to see Wicked on Saturday.
Speaking of San Fran, I'm so excited to be moving down to the Bay Area. I'll be moderately close enough to San Fran to visit it on a regular basis, which I plan to do to hit up Japan Town :D I seriously gotta check out Kinokuniya (japanese book store in Japan Town)! If I move in next Tuesday that week will be a sort of Vacation for me as I won't actually start working at Tiny Prints until the 8th. So I even get a long weekend out of it! :D I'm pretty excited about the apartment though, it's only about 10 mins from work and it's across the street from an Ikea and a Best Buy! Plus, it's got a trendy fireplace. TRENDY. FIREPLACE. Haha, granted that's not really that big a deal to me but it's funny. I do wish I had a dishwasher but I guess I shouldn't be such a lazy bum. Living with my sis sure spoiled me in that sense.
Speaking of dishwashers... just kidding. I've been listening to Ellipse by Imogen Heap (see previous post) a whole lot. Actually, I'm listening to it right now! I love it. It seems I'm having a bit of writers block today so I'll quit at this point and blab about something else at some other point. My mind feels extremely busy lately and right now it's not really helping to write so yeah, gonna step off for a while. Till next time readers :) jaa, ne!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Work Ethic
This one might be a bit of a long one since I'm going to philosophize some. Tonight on the way back from getting some Baskin Robbins Adam, Coppelia and I had a conversation that was very controversial amongst ourselves. It started with me harping on about how I delight in being given sign duty when setting up for Origin. You see, sign duty includes putting up the signs on both sides of the street right next to the church, obviously pointing to the coffee shop (where Origin takes place). Now, when most other people do sign duty, they put the first one on the closer side of the street and then jay-walk to the other side. My method includes putting the sign on the closer side of the street and then going all the way around through the traffic lights like a good pedestrian. I could excuse myself saying the reason I do this is to follow the law and to not get hit by a car, if at all possible. However, I practically boast when I say that the real reason I go around is so that I take longer doing the task, which pulls me away from doing other tasks during set-up. I refuse to do work begrudgingly so instead I find sneaky ways such as this one to, in a sense, minimize my work. In most areas of my work ethic, as I am partially of phlegmatic temperament, I tend to seek appearing busy with menial or unnecessary tasks (or just standing around) until being given an actual task; usually this task is given me by somebody with a choleric temperament.
What's this I speak of temperaments? I'll digress here for the sake of fleshing this out and I believe it'll help the point. According to (correct me if I'm wrong) the classic greek scholars, there are four temperaments: choleric, phlegmatic, sanguine and melancholic. In a short, catchy nutshell, the four temperaments follow these stereotypes:
choleric: if you wanna do it right you've gotta do it yourself
phlegmatic: I'll just wait here till somebody tells me what to do
sanguine: classic type a personality (talkative, social people)
melancholic: classic type b personality (introverted geniuses)
As I mentioned earlier, I tend to let the phlegmatic side of me control my work ethic. So I generally don't take initiative on things waiting for the choleric people to give me tasks and instructions because, frankly, I am certain that upon taking initiative to do a task, the choleric would scold me for doing it a way different from how they would've done it, despite it having been done correctly.
The reason I'm even blogging about this is because it makes me feel guilty to look at things this way. Going into a full-time job soon, I definitely want to do my best, excel and be a good employer. Now, my personal experience has been that, in spite of my general attitude towards things, when it comes down to it, I focus and get things done as quickly as I can and to the best of my abilities. In retrospect, it feels like even though I say all these things about being a lazy bum and having no initiative, I'm a good employee who is really good at following directions and generally getting things done. Of course, there are certain aspects of my work habits that I've worked on, such as making more calls on my own when I'm not sure how to do something, rather than just ask a superior at every step of the way. Perhaps this is because I have spent more than a year working at Sherwin (can hardly believe it's been that much already). Maybe it's something I've been able to improve in general.
Another thing that bothers me is when people tell you 'oh, you have to give 110%'. Other than the fact that that's impossible because 100% is the same as all you have and you certainly can't give what you don't have, it bothers me that in this capitalist world where you build empires with your own two hands, every employer expects you to give 110%, 100% of the time. This is asking you to give more than you have and thus more than you can give - at all times. If this is not the ultimate recipe for burnout, I don't know what is. I even question the notion of giving all you have at all times. Prioritizing is key in the work world. Even on a race, isn't pacing yourself one of the most important things? Why should it be different in your work life? You run harder and faster in the moments when you know you have to. You push yourself up to 100% when you need to. However, why shouldn't you pace yourself when doing tasks at lower priority? Don't get me wrong here though, I'm not saying half-a** it! I think mediocrity is unacceptable if have the ability to perform.
Going back to the deal with the Origin sign, sure, I could very cautiously jay-walk to save time with the second sign so I can sooner get back to helping, thus increasing my effectivity. However, on any given night, Origin set-up doesn't lack enough hands that we fall back on schedule far enough to merit cutting those minutes out of 'my' helpful activity. To illustrate the point from the last paragraph in this example, if jay-walking to get the signs up as fast as possible is giving 100% and walking around to get them up is 70%, while the case for giving 100% exists (desperately needing the time I would save), the merit for breaking the jay-walking law is rarely in effect.
Ultimately, this is my inspected method of thought and task handling and, to be sure, it is not some new work psychology and is not how all work should be observed. [Is this a disclaimer? haha] Making efforts to answer my own question, that of whether I am wrong in thinking this way and that regardless of how my personality is I should strive whole-heartedly to burn myself out by attempting to give more than I can for everything (skewed point of view), I lean towards saying that if it's not broken, I shouldn't try to fix it. Of course, this does not mean I will not attempt to be excellent in my work or that I will refuse constructive criticism and that I'll purposefully sabotage my motivation to improve. I strongly believe this can all be achieved within the boundaries of my method. For example, there have been many times where I am given busy work at Sherwin. Normally, my approach towards it is to assess several aspects of the task, such as difficulty and time required for completion, and, according to my other priorities, tune my effort to complete the task in a timely, effective manner. So on a particularly slow day where I expect no other work, I would take all the time necessary to do the task in a calm, effective manner (go around the street through the traffic lights). If something unexpected happened such as getting an important or urgent task all of a sudden, again depending on the priorities, I would drop the current task and work on the pressing one or work harder to complete the current one in a timelier manner to get started on the new one. This would then be akin to us being short-handed at Origin and needing me to get back quickly from setting up the signs. Perhaps these situations wouldn't turn out or work exactly this same way in real cases but I do believe my method has some merit.
If you will, it would be good to know what you have to say. It would be fun to start a conversation in the comments. I absolutely do not expect everybody to agree with me and I fully expect people to find loopholes, incongruences and the like in my method and question me to no end, but, like I said, this is how I currently see my work ethic. This new job is sure to stretch me and I'm looking forward to seeing how it will prepare me for the work I will do in Japan when the time comes.
What's this I speak of temperaments? I'll digress here for the sake of fleshing this out and I believe it'll help the point. According to (correct me if I'm wrong) the classic greek scholars, there are four temperaments: choleric, phlegmatic, sanguine and melancholic. In a short, catchy nutshell, the four temperaments follow these stereotypes:
choleric: if you wanna do it right you've gotta do it yourself
phlegmatic: I'll just wait here till somebody tells me what to do
sanguine: classic type a personality (talkative, social people)
melancholic: classic type b personality (introverted geniuses)
As I mentioned earlier, I tend to let the phlegmatic side of me control my work ethic. So I generally don't take initiative on things waiting for the choleric people to give me tasks and instructions because, frankly, I am certain that upon taking initiative to do a task, the choleric would scold me for doing it a way different from how they would've done it, despite it having been done correctly.
The reason I'm even blogging about this is because it makes me feel guilty to look at things this way. Going into a full-time job soon, I definitely want to do my best, excel and be a good employer. Now, my personal experience has been that, in spite of my general attitude towards things, when it comes down to it, I focus and get things done as quickly as I can and to the best of my abilities. In retrospect, it feels like even though I say all these things about being a lazy bum and having no initiative, I'm a good employee who is really good at following directions and generally getting things done. Of course, there are certain aspects of my work habits that I've worked on, such as making more calls on my own when I'm not sure how to do something, rather than just ask a superior at every step of the way. Perhaps this is because I have spent more than a year working at Sherwin (can hardly believe it's been that much already). Maybe it's something I've been able to improve in general.
Another thing that bothers me is when people tell you 'oh, you have to give 110%'. Other than the fact that that's impossible because 100% is the same as all you have and you certainly can't give what you don't have, it bothers me that in this capitalist world where you build empires with your own two hands, every employer expects you to give 110%, 100% of the time. This is asking you to give more than you have and thus more than you can give - at all times. If this is not the ultimate recipe for burnout, I don't know what is. I even question the notion of giving all you have at all times. Prioritizing is key in the work world. Even on a race, isn't pacing yourself one of the most important things? Why should it be different in your work life? You run harder and faster in the moments when you know you have to. You push yourself up to 100% when you need to. However, why shouldn't you pace yourself when doing tasks at lower priority? Don't get me wrong here though, I'm not saying half-a** it! I think mediocrity is unacceptable if have the ability to perform.
Going back to the deal with the Origin sign, sure, I could very cautiously jay-walk to save time with the second sign so I can sooner get back to helping, thus increasing my effectivity. However, on any given night, Origin set-up doesn't lack enough hands that we fall back on schedule far enough to merit cutting those minutes out of 'my' helpful activity. To illustrate the point from the last paragraph in this example, if jay-walking to get the signs up as fast as possible is giving 100% and walking around to get them up is 70%, while the case for giving 100% exists (desperately needing the time I would save), the merit for breaking the jay-walking law is rarely in effect.
Ultimately, this is my inspected method of thought and task handling and, to be sure, it is not some new work psychology and is not how all work should be observed. [Is this a disclaimer? haha] Making efforts to answer my own question, that of whether I am wrong in thinking this way and that regardless of how my personality is I should strive whole-heartedly to burn myself out by attempting to give more than I can for everything (skewed point of view), I lean towards saying that if it's not broken, I shouldn't try to fix it. Of course, this does not mean I will not attempt to be excellent in my work or that I will refuse constructive criticism and that I'll purposefully sabotage my motivation to improve. I strongly believe this can all be achieved within the boundaries of my method. For example, there have been many times where I am given busy work at Sherwin. Normally, my approach towards it is to assess several aspects of the task, such as difficulty and time required for completion, and, according to my other priorities, tune my effort to complete the task in a timely, effective manner. So on a particularly slow day where I expect no other work, I would take all the time necessary to do the task in a calm, effective manner (go around the street through the traffic lights). If something unexpected happened such as getting an important or urgent task all of a sudden, again depending on the priorities, I would drop the current task and work on the pressing one or work harder to complete the current one in a timelier manner to get started on the new one. This would then be akin to us being short-handed at Origin and needing me to get back quickly from setting up the signs. Perhaps these situations wouldn't turn out or work exactly this same way in real cases but I do believe my method has some merit.
If you will, it would be good to know what you have to say. It would be fun to start a conversation in the comments. I absolutely do not expect everybody to agree with me and I fully expect people to find loopholes, incongruences and the like in my method and question me to no end, but, like I said, this is how I currently see my work ethic. This new job is sure to stretch me and I'm looking forward to seeing how it will prepare me for the work I will do in Japan when the time comes.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Offer
Sitting on the futon couch I call my bed while I watch Advent Children in Japanese (with Japanese subtitles, fortunately) I multi-task enough to IM with some friends and write a blog. I feel pretty much obligated to write this blog because of what happened today. If you're one of the people who read this blog you might already know the news. To keep it short, today I got an e-mail with a job offer from Tiny Prints! Looks like what I came to California to do has finally happened; or at least an important part of the chain. In the coming weeks I'll be working hard to figure all the logistics out. Finding housing, getting a car, figuring out what to do about the payments and occupation of my previous apartment in Rochester... all that good stuff. It'll be an interesting few weeks leading up and a whole lot of transitioning. I like changes like these, exasperating and daunting as they may be but I know God's got my back. I don't know if this job is a step in the direction of my mission to Japan but I'm not even a quarter of a hundred years old. I still have a lot of time to do what I can do. I just gotta keep moving forward and let the Lord lead my steps.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Decision
Yesterday I was talking to Coppelia before setting up for Origin (night church). I was telling her that I'm just not feeling it about the interview this week. I remember saying 'I don't know what I want' and feeling tired. Later that day, after a very powerful and challenging message from pastor Mark we went home. In bed I began to have a 1 on 1 with God. I don't exactly remember if it was at this point or a little earlier at night that I realized I knew what I wanted all along. I want to do God's will. It's that simple. My decision is that I'm going to do God's will. The more I thought about it the less I could sleep and it was about an hour later that I was still stoked, thanking God and having an unbridled joy within me as I felt my life have a strong purpose for the first time in - possibly - all my life.
In the words of Phil Whickam, 'I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back.'
In the words of Phil Whickam, 'I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back.'
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Lazy Saturday Afternoon
This very moment for me is the epitome of the lazy Saturday afternoon. Half the people in the apartment are sleeping and the two that are awake are in two rooms, closed off to themselves. I can't say I mind. Having a break from the week's hubbub is much appreciated and in a sense i wish this pause would last longer than it is bound to. I'm just sitting on the couch, listening to Parachutes by Coldplay (see: their most chill album, in my opinion) and just teetering on the fence between lethargy and inactivity. Kinda feels like at this moment the only thing I'm actually doing is being alive. It's sort of surreal.
Yet, even in spite of such a seemingly peaceful place I can't help but feel a little uneasy. The irony of moments like these is that while the natural thing would be to relax one's mind and body, generally one's mind tends to take the chance given by the lack of activity and treads in every possible direction, thereby being anything but inactive. In other words, instead of just resting and not thinking about much and enjoying the music, I think about everything I could be doing or should be doing or what the near future holds and what the far future will bring and all the changes and responsibilities that are waiting to befall me. ... Interesting I would choose befall, as though changes and responsibilities were some sort of curse or punishment.
Having the interview next week gives me nothing but nerves. As if I half-expected the time living here with Coppe and Adam to last forever. My initial intent was to be here for no longer than a month and look now as the end of the second month approaches at 60 seconds a minute. Trust me, that's fast enough. I know I must find a job and a place to live and start really paying off my college loans. I'm not trying to escape said fate. Thinking back, it's exactly what I wanted. I wanted an average life in an average home with an average family, an average income. As close to normality as possible is what I aimed for. But right now I really don't want that at all! I want to pack a few shirts and pants and book a flight to Japan and try to make it there, have an adventure or something. But as I begin to fill my mind with these thoughts and become starry-eyed my rational side deals a soul-crushing blow of disappointment and tries to convince me that I should just be happy I have an interview and possible job lined up.
I don't want to be immature and irresponsible but like an angsty teenager I wanna dig into a rebellious corner and say no to the status quo. The worst part of all of this would then be that there's a bigger part of this business looming in the background sending waves to the forefront of my train of thought. The spiritual aspect of my life keeps trying to tell me that it's not about what I want or think I want or think I should have or do. I know what I should want the most is to do what God's will for my life is. Unfortunately I far from know what that is. I really wish I could just let go of what I want and what I don't want in my life and let God tell me what to do, and in a sense, I guess that's what I should do. However, I don't know how to do that, I don't know how to begin to do that and before getting frustrated over such a realization I'd rather bring the train back on to the rails of me figuring out what to do.
As I further introspect, I meet yet another dimension. Do I even know what I want? After college deciding to come here to California... regardless of whether or not that was the right choice, did I make the choice I wanted? Do I really want to go to Japan or move to Mountain View, CA if given the choice? I'm not much for regretting because I'm too proud to admit that I should've known better but if I do end up in Japan, would I be happy? Is the happiness worth it? Part of me stands up to say that happiness is beneath doing the will of God and I second the notion with my heart and then I meet up again with the concern of not knowing what God wants me to do. Reading the Bible I always get the feeling that the heroes of faith always knew exactly what to do. Noah didn't know what an arc was but God gave him measurements.
I guess I'm just really scared. As I said I'm not much for regretting but if accepted the job at Mountain View and moved there and that set off a series of events whereby I'm kept from Japan all my life... Then what if Japan was the will of God for my life??? I'd regret it until the day I die. Going to Japan feels like if I go I wouldn't die without returning. As in, I just feel as if returning would only be a matter of time. On the other hand, the looming feeling I have is that the door of opportunity for going to Japan is barely ajar and any wrong move I make that might keep me here a little longer will slam it shut and proceed to lock it in a million different ways.
I probably have nothing to really worry about and given some time all this will be sorted out. I'm sure no matter which direction I go it won't be easy and I'm sure God can use me no matter where I am. What I want has to come second to what God wants. It'll probably make sense in the end.
Yet, even in spite of such a seemingly peaceful place I can't help but feel a little uneasy. The irony of moments like these is that while the natural thing would be to relax one's mind and body, generally one's mind tends to take the chance given by the lack of activity and treads in every possible direction, thereby being anything but inactive. In other words, instead of just resting and not thinking about much and enjoying the music, I think about everything I could be doing or should be doing or what the near future holds and what the far future will bring and all the changes and responsibilities that are waiting to befall me. ... Interesting I would choose befall, as though changes and responsibilities were some sort of curse or punishment.
Having the interview next week gives me nothing but nerves. As if I half-expected the time living here with Coppe and Adam to last forever. My initial intent was to be here for no longer than a month and look now as the end of the second month approaches at 60 seconds a minute. Trust me, that's fast enough. I know I must find a job and a place to live and start really paying off my college loans. I'm not trying to escape said fate. Thinking back, it's exactly what I wanted. I wanted an average life in an average home with an average family, an average income. As close to normality as possible is what I aimed for. But right now I really don't want that at all! I want to pack a few shirts and pants and book a flight to Japan and try to make it there, have an adventure or something. But as I begin to fill my mind with these thoughts and become starry-eyed my rational side deals a soul-crushing blow of disappointment and tries to convince me that I should just be happy I have an interview and possible job lined up.
I don't want to be immature and irresponsible but like an angsty teenager I wanna dig into a rebellious corner and say no to the status quo. The worst part of all of this would then be that there's a bigger part of this business looming in the background sending waves to the forefront of my train of thought. The spiritual aspect of my life keeps trying to tell me that it's not about what I want or think I want or think I should have or do. I know what I should want the most is to do what God's will for my life is. Unfortunately I far from know what that is. I really wish I could just let go of what I want and what I don't want in my life and let God tell me what to do, and in a sense, I guess that's what I should do. However, I don't know how to do that, I don't know how to begin to do that and before getting frustrated over such a realization I'd rather bring the train back on to the rails of me figuring out what to do.
As I further introspect, I meet yet another dimension. Do I even know what I want? After college deciding to come here to California... regardless of whether or not that was the right choice, did I make the choice I wanted? Do I really want to go to Japan or move to Mountain View, CA if given the choice? I'm not much for regretting because I'm too proud to admit that I should've known better but if I do end up in Japan, would I be happy? Is the happiness worth it? Part of me stands up to say that happiness is beneath doing the will of God and I second the notion with my heart and then I meet up again with the concern of not knowing what God wants me to do. Reading the Bible I always get the feeling that the heroes of faith always knew exactly what to do. Noah didn't know what an arc was but God gave him measurements.
I guess I'm just really scared. As I said I'm not much for regretting but if accepted the job at Mountain View and moved there and that set off a series of events whereby I'm kept from Japan all my life... Then what if Japan was the will of God for my life??? I'd regret it until the day I die. Going to Japan feels like if I go I wouldn't die without returning. As in, I just feel as if returning would only be a matter of time. On the other hand, the looming feeling I have is that the door of opportunity for going to Japan is barely ajar and any wrong move I make that might keep me here a little longer will slam it shut and proceed to lock it in a million different ways.
I probably have nothing to really worry about and given some time all this will be sorted out. I'm sure no matter which direction I go it won't be easy and I'm sure God can use me no matter where I am. What I want has to come second to what God wants. It'll probably make sense in the end.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Developments
Well I've continued to work on Milli's site, which is still not up so there isn't much I can put on the blog but I have been working on some new graphics for it :) Coppe thinks it's cute. There's still a fair bit to do but it's coming along. I realized today that some sections are going to be very similar in form, which makes my job easier so that's nice. :) I'm glad I've been working on all these web sites as of late because it's great practice and I have to keep my web dev skills fresh in my mind so that if I'm tested in an interview I can display my abilities at the level I would be if I had never stopped working.
Speaking of interviews, there's a good chance I have one in Mountain View, CA next week! I don't remember mentioning this but I may've. Long story short, a guy I met on my first visit to Origin (community church) gave me his e-mail and I sent him my resume and he passed it on to some people he knows. Well one of those people got back to me yesterday (today?) asking if I was still interested in a position. A few e-mails later and it looks like next week I'll be driving down to Mountain View for an interview. It's weird. Even though I've been looking for a job for months, getting an interview seems surreal. In addition to that, over the past week I've gone from 0 leads to 2 solid leads and finding a listing in craigslist that looked like a sweeeet job!
I'm still feeling the draw to Japan... it's such a faint possibility but if there's even an inkling of a chance, I have to pursue it full force.
Speaking of interviews, there's a good chance I have one in Mountain View, CA next week! I don't remember mentioning this but I may've. Long story short, a guy I met on my first visit to Origin (community church) gave me his e-mail and I sent him my resume and he passed it on to some people he knows. Well one of those people got back to me yesterday (today?) asking if I was still interested in a position. A few e-mails later and it looks like next week I'll be driving down to Mountain View for an interview. It's weird. Even though I've been looking for a job for months, getting an interview seems surreal. In addition to that, over the past week I've gone from 0 leads to 2 solid leads and finding a listing in craigslist that looked like a sweeeet job!
I'm still feeling the draw to Japan... it's such a faint possibility but if there's even an inkling of a chance, I have to pursue it full force.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
My Web Site... Let Me Show You It
So I finally got around to finishing up my web site (version 1.0) and now it's up at http://www.egandara.com . Of course there's still much that can be done but I'm just glad I have something up and done. I sent it to the recruiter guy and am now waiting to hear from him. Frankly I don't know if anything will really come from this whole Kentucky business but at the very least if nothing comes from it at least it drove me to finishing up my web site. Gonna pick back up on working on Milli's on monday. Gotta try and get that done ASAP so I can hand it off to her :) Other things that I have to do include continuing to look for jobs... I still wanna go to Japan.
Friday, July 17, 2009
First Mission: Accomplished
I just finished uploading my sister Coppelia's site. Adam designed it and I implemented it from his design. It's a simple site and I admit it may have been a better deal to do it in flash but alas, that is not what I know. I think it worked out anyway and you can see it in coppeliasvoice.com. I have to keep working on mine and my other sister's sites but it feels good having cranked one out. Course, Coppe's site is far from finished. The demos area, for example, needs populating but I'm still trying to figure that out. Flash may actually be inescapable in that part...
I believe I'll spend the rest of today, working on mine. I need to have something finished tomorrow so I can send to the prospective employer! I can probably have something mildly presentable today but then I'd have to go through all the trouble of buying a domain and hosting tomorrow; a needed expenditure but one I'll begrudgingly make. I'm looking forward to continuing to work on Milli's site as I'm actually designing that, for better or worse.
I really wanted to go to the pool today :/ Maybe I'll do it tomorrow in celebration of having my own web site up!
I believe I'll spend the rest of today, working on mine. I need to have something finished tomorrow so I can send to the prospective employer! I can probably have something mildly presentable today but then I'd have to go through all the trouble of buying a domain and hosting tomorrow; a needed expenditure but one I'll begrudgingly make. I'm looking forward to continuing to work on Milli's site as I'm actually designing that, for better or worse.
I really wanted to go to the pool today :/ Maybe I'll do it tomorrow in celebration of having my own web site up!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Mid-July
So it's mid July now. I've yet to find myself a job but things are still moving along. Haven't written a word of poetry since I finished school. That must be corrected. If you've read this far you can probably surmise that this post is going to be mostly me thinking out loud. I can't believe it's been more than a month since my last serious update so I guess there's a lot to say.
Not too much has changed since then, really. I'm still part-time co-oping for Sherwin and like I said, no job yet but I haven't lost hope. Today, in fact, I got an e-mail from what appears to have been a recruiter for a prospective employer. Good news, except for the fact that the job would be in Kentucky. Nevertheless, an option is an option and I'd be remiss to snuff out that candle before I see what parts of the room it shines light on. The room, of course, being my proverbial situation of unemployment and general sedentary living. That said, I haven't been doing nothing (and this is grammatically correct because I have in fact been doing something). I've been sort of contracted to do some freelance web work for both my sisters with some projects they have working on, in addition to my own web site I have been meaning on constructing for the sake of having an internet presence and something to show to prospective employers whenever they ask for 'a portfolio' or 'some work'.
On an altogether different side of things, I've been enjoying singing in the worship team at church sunday mornings for the Ridge and being part of Origin Community Church sunday nights. I've made friends with people in both and it's been a nice experience overall. And I think I'm keeping this one pretty short hehe.
One last note is I've been crazy listening to Imogen Heap's new single from her new album that's coming out Aug. 25!!! I cannot wait. Gonna hear the crap out of it! Here's the song via youtube.
Not too much has changed since then, really. I'm still part-time co-oping for Sherwin and like I said, no job yet but I haven't lost hope. Today, in fact, I got an e-mail from what appears to have been a recruiter for a prospective employer. Good news, except for the fact that the job would be in Kentucky. Nevertheless, an option is an option and I'd be remiss to snuff out that candle before I see what parts of the room it shines light on. The room, of course, being my proverbial situation of unemployment and general sedentary living. That said, I haven't been doing nothing (and this is grammatically correct because I have in fact been doing something). I've been sort of contracted to do some freelance web work for both my sisters with some projects they have working on, in addition to my own web site I have been meaning on constructing for the sake of having an internet presence and something to show to prospective employers whenever they ask for 'a portfolio' or 'some work'.
On an altogether different side of things, I've been enjoying singing in the worship team at church sunday mornings for the Ridge and being part of Origin Community Church sunday nights. I've made friends with people in both and it's been a nice experience overall. And I think I'm keeping this one pretty short hehe.
One last note is I've been crazy listening to Imogen Heap's new single from her new album that's coming out Aug. 25!!! I cannot wait. Gonna hear the crap out of it! Here's the song via youtube.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
California
Yes, you heard right (read right?). Effective May 27th, I moved in with my sister and her family in California. The reason, you ask? I wish I could say there's an easy answer, a clear reason, heck, even a better motive than job searching. However, here I am and here's where I'll be for a good while, I hope.
I graduated the 22nd of May with a BS in IT, which, for the record, is not a Bulls**t in Indexing Turtles*. In the search for a reason, we can experiment with RETROSPECTION and need only look back a few weeks. Actually, if we look back 2-3 months it may be even more entertaining(/boring). As most of you know, I was working for The Sherwin-Williams Company until... well, I may still be working for them ww (<-- those w's mean I'm laughing in japanese). I applied for a co-op with them spring of 2007. Actually, it was more like I gave my resume to a recruiter at a job fair in RIT that spring. I didn't even hear back from them until that summer while I was working in my aunt's company. Long story short (as if that ever happens with me), I got a telephone interview with Sherwin that fall and was working for them that december. And work I did! The co-op was a double-block, which means I was to work with them for Winter quarter (Dec-Feb) and Spring quarter (Mar-May) but as luck would have it (really it was God's will), I ended up extending my stay with them through the summer and then even through that fall! Went back to RIT december of '08 and finished my degree in Indexing Turtles** while telecommuting (working from far away) for Sherwin.
Needless to say, Sherwin's been a super blessing and a great experience but as the time of graduating crept closer and closer I had to figure out what I was going to do. I asked Sherwin about the possibility of a full-time position and they said that for various reasons (one of which I'm inclined to believe is my lack of ability XD ) they couldn't really offer me one. However, they were awesomely nice enough to offer me the opportunity to go to Cleveland after graduation and work for them as a co-op for up to 6 months while I continue to look for a job. Of course, this didn't stop me from trying to find a job as I didn't want to fall back on Sherwin. I started to look at job listings in Craig's list. Now, I know you know I have some SUPER COOL friends in Cleveland and they're SUPER COOL indeed but somehow I felt Cleveland wasn't where I was supposed to be. Add to that the fact that an awakening in me occurred towards wanting to rejoin family. That is, I wanted to end up closer to them and in this case that meant living near either of my sisters, since there was pretty much no way I would purposely decide to go back to PR. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and everything but PR is just not for me at this point. To that end, I started eyeing out Craig's list job listings in Nashville, TN, Sacramento, CA and San Francisco,CA/Bay area. I sent out more resumes than ever and never heard back from anybody. This time I'm inclined to blame the bad economy or my lack of experience.
Well my time at RIT began to come to an end and I was sort of beginning to scramble to decide. I was trying to hold out as long as I could to get a job elsewhere and have a valid reason not to go back to Cleveland. Alas, it never came. And then something quite interesting happened. I went back to Cleveland for Russ and Kindel's wedding the second weekend of May. In one of the many conversations that I had, a friend told me of something she did. She went out on a limb to NYC without a job and found one after she got there. This clicked in my head and made perfect sense to me! A sort of epiphany almost, then again it was probably God talking through her testimony. Whatever the case, I knew what I was going to do... or at least attempt to do! Because Bay Area had yielded the most job listings, I thought it'd be a good idea to ask my sister who lives in Cali so I gave her a call. Her reply was great! She was totally in tune with the possibility of me going out there and even opened her house to me. Within a week I had booked my plane ticket and was rearing to go.
My parents came to Rochester for my graduation on thursday the 21st and joined me and tons of my friends for graduation on the 22nd. They stayed around until the following week's wednesday, which happened to be the day my flight out to Cali was. They helped me A TON with getting all my stuff shipped as well as some other people like Bucky, Ryan and Moses and Uncle Jim helping me get rid of some of my other stuff. Finally, after spending way too much money shipping everything (it still would've been twice as much to use u-haul or a moving company) Wednesday came and off we went. And here I am, crashing at my sister's place until I find me a job so I can hopefully find my own place (in this world*** www). It's been really nice out here hangin out with my sister and bro-in-law and nephew (Coppelia, Adam and Christopher respectively). I'm glad to be part of the family and am trying to help out as much as I can. In fact, I even helped out with worship at church today :) So yeah, maybe I don't really have a reason to be here but I'm absolutely certain there's a purpose behind it all.
TaT out.
* terrible joke #1
** reference to terrible joke #1
*** terrible joke # 2
I graduated the 22nd of May with a BS in IT, which, for the record, is not a Bulls**t in Indexing Turtles*. In the search for a reason, we can experiment with RETROSPECTION and need only look back a few weeks. Actually, if we look back 2-3 months it may be even more entertaining(/boring). As most of you know, I was working for The Sherwin-Williams Company until... well, I may still be working for them ww (<-- those w's mean I'm laughing in japanese). I applied for a co-op with them spring of 2007. Actually, it was more like I gave my resume to a recruiter at a job fair in RIT that spring. I didn't even hear back from them until that summer while I was working in my aunt's company. Long story short (as if that ever happens with me), I got a telephone interview with Sherwin that fall and was working for them that december. And work I did! The co-op was a double-block, which means I was to work with them for Winter quarter (Dec-Feb) and Spring quarter (Mar-May) but as luck would have it (really it was God's will), I ended up extending my stay with them through the summer and then even through that fall! Went back to RIT december of '08 and finished my degree in Indexing Turtles** while telecommuting (working from far away) for Sherwin.
Needless to say, Sherwin's been a super blessing and a great experience but as the time of graduating crept closer and closer I had to figure out what I was going to do. I asked Sherwin about the possibility of a full-time position and they said that for various reasons (one of which I'm inclined to believe is my lack of ability XD ) they couldn't really offer me one. However, they were awesomely nice enough to offer me the opportunity to go to Cleveland after graduation and work for them as a co-op for up to 6 months while I continue to look for a job. Of course, this didn't stop me from trying to find a job as I didn't want to fall back on Sherwin. I started to look at job listings in Craig's list. Now, I know you know I have some SUPER COOL friends in Cleveland and they're SUPER COOL indeed but somehow I felt Cleveland wasn't where I was supposed to be. Add to that the fact that an awakening in me occurred towards wanting to rejoin family. That is, I wanted to end up closer to them and in this case that meant living near either of my sisters, since there was pretty much no way I would purposely decide to go back to PR. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and everything but PR is just not for me at this point. To that end, I started eyeing out Craig's list job listings in Nashville, TN, Sacramento, CA and San Francisco,CA/Bay area. I sent out more resumes than ever and never heard back from anybody. This time I'm inclined to blame the bad economy or my lack of experience.
Well my time at RIT began to come to an end and I was sort of beginning to scramble to decide. I was trying to hold out as long as I could to get a job elsewhere and have a valid reason not to go back to Cleveland. Alas, it never came. And then something quite interesting happened. I went back to Cleveland for Russ and Kindel's wedding the second weekend of May. In one of the many conversations that I had, a friend told me of something she did. She went out on a limb to NYC without a job and found one after she got there. This clicked in my head and made perfect sense to me! A sort of epiphany almost, then again it was probably God talking through her testimony. Whatever the case, I knew what I was going to do... or at least attempt to do! Because Bay Area had yielded the most job listings, I thought it'd be a good idea to ask my sister who lives in Cali so I gave her a call. Her reply was great! She was totally in tune with the possibility of me going out there and even opened her house to me. Within a week I had booked my plane ticket and was rearing to go.
My parents came to Rochester for my graduation on thursday the 21st and joined me and tons of my friends for graduation on the 22nd. They stayed around until the following week's wednesday, which happened to be the day my flight out to Cali was. They helped me A TON with getting all my stuff shipped as well as some other people like Bucky, Ryan and Moses and Uncle Jim helping me get rid of some of my other stuff. Finally, after spending way too much money shipping everything (it still would've been twice as much to use u-haul or a moving company) Wednesday came and off we went. And here I am, crashing at my sister's place until I find me a job so I can hopefully find my own place (in this world*** www). It's been really nice out here hangin out with my sister and bro-in-law and nephew (Coppelia, Adam and Christopher respectively). I'm glad to be part of the family and am trying to help out as much as I can. In fact, I even helped out with worship at church today :) So yeah, maybe I don't really have a reason to be here but I'm absolutely certain there's a purpose behind it all.
TaT out.
* terrible joke #1
** reference to terrible joke #1
*** terrible joke # 2
Thursday, May 14, 2009
A pantoum!
Here's a pantoum, rounding out my final poem for the portfolio!
Gloaming
The woods are quietest at dusk.
Fog passes through trees like spirits.
The muffled footsteps of foxes alert us
so we stay close to the ground and hold breath.
Fog passes through trees like spirits
as the leaves turn slowly to ash
so we stay close to the ground and hold breath
for fear of choking on the deathly smoke.
As the leaves turn slowly to ash
the dim white sky darkens to gray.
For fear of choking on the deathly smoke
we breathe heavier inside our masks.
The dim white sky darkens to gray
but we can barely see the first star.
We breathe heavier inside our masks
and the blood inside us rushes to our eyes
but we can barely see the first star!
We focus with clear intent
and the blood inside us rushes to our eyes.
It would kill us to miss this chance.
We focus with clear intent.
The target is at hand,
it would kill us to miss this chance.
The fire has no will to stop us now.
The target is at hand!
The muffled footsteps of foxes alert us.
The fire has no will to stop us now.
The woods are quietest at dusk.
© 2009 Emilio Gándara
Gloaming
The woods are quietest at dusk.
Fog passes through trees like spirits.
The muffled footsteps of foxes alert us
so we stay close to the ground and hold breath.
Fog passes through trees like spirits
as the leaves turn slowly to ash
so we stay close to the ground and hold breath
for fear of choking on the deathly smoke.
As the leaves turn slowly to ash
the dim white sky darkens to gray.
For fear of choking on the deathly smoke
we breathe heavier inside our masks.
The dim white sky darkens to gray
but we can barely see the first star.
We breathe heavier inside our masks
and the blood inside us rushes to our eyes
but we can barely see the first star!
We focus with clear intent
and the blood inside us rushes to our eyes.
It would kill us to miss this chance.
We focus with clear intent.
The target is at hand,
it would kill us to miss this chance.
The fire has no will to stop us now.
The target is at hand!
The muffled footsteps of foxes alert us.
The fire has no will to stop us now.
The woods are quietest at dusk.
© 2009 Emilio Gándara
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Some new poems
Hey all, here's a new batch of poems. First off an ode, written in that sort of pretty elizabethan "exalted" language :)
Ode To Certainty
Mild mannered creature of lore
Calm, the air around thee sighs
Solemn, the earth change not
Hunters chase thee in scores
Yet thine elusive form hides
Thy secret place held aloft
Mercy, give me time before
My aging blood of me denies
My life is stolen thought
Thou art the knowing future
What aptly anxiety divides
Till sorrow's remnant is nought
Thee I hold in my deepest core
Your visage alone and me likewise
A shadow in thine chamber caught
The words thou speak whom can ignore
Their very life and breath belies
The rest that my conviction sought
Wilt be mine I beg for more
Than thine mere mention tries
And fails to be mine life's lot
And then a macaronic verse :D
taiyou no shi
The sun died, leaving behind the moon
an eclipse solitary loses its smile
and the sunset retrograde lacks light
what simple vision breaks my dream
wake at feeling a cold safe
the light of the moon destroys my window
and without sun see a mirage
a desert stellar full of clouds
another desert my throat and swallow
yet have salt on my tongue
and in my brain swim thoughts
my brain a sea of alcohol
looking the sky recall
while fly thousands of stars
make lines pulling the darkness
and the tide rises, a gold tenuous
the clouds shine and disappear
revealing the truth of the lines
pulled the body inert of the sun
and suddenly revives and us blinds
"taiyou no shi' means 'death of the sun'. What makes the previous poem macaronic verse is that it's sort of a mixture of english and spanish. In that I only translated the words, not the lines. That is why some lines are grammatically incorrect or strange. Here's the original spanish version, in case you were interested :D
taiyou no shi
El sol murió, dejando atras la luna
un eclipse solitario pierde su sonrisa
y el atardecer retrógrada carece luz
cual simple visión rompe mi sueño
despierto al sentir un frio seguro
la luz de la luna destruye mi ventana
y sin sol veo un espejismo
el desierto estelar lleno de nubes
otro desierto mi garganta y trago
aun tengo sal en la lengua
y en mi mente nadan pensamientos
mi cerebro un mar de alcohol
mirando el cielo recuerdo
mientras vuelan miles de estrellas
tiran lineas halando la oscuridad
y la marea sube, un oro tenue
las nubes brillan y desaparecen
revelando la realidad de las lineas
halaban el cuerpo inerte del sol
y de repente recucita y nos cega
© 2009 Emilio Gándara
Ode To Certainty
Mild mannered creature of lore
Calm, the air around thee sighs
Solemn, the earth change not
Hunters chase thee in scores
Yet thine elusive form hides
Thy secret place held aloft
Mercy, give me time before
My aging blood of me denies
My life is stolen thought
Thou art the knowing future
What aptly anxiety divides
Till sorrow's remnant is nought
Thee I hold in my deepest core
Your visage alone and me likewise
A shadow in thine chamber caught
The words thou speak whom can ignore
Their very life and breath belies
The rest that my conviction sought
Wilt be mine I beg for more
Than thine mere mention tries
And fails to be mine life's lot
And then a macaronic verse :D
taiyou no shi
The sun died, leaving behind the moon
an eclipse solitary loses its smile
and the sunset retrograde lacks light
what simple vision breaks my dream
wake at feeling a cold safe
the light of the moon destroys my window
and without sun see a mirage
a desert stellar full of clouds
another desert my throat and swallow
yet have salt on my tongue
and in my brain swim thoughts
my brain a sea of alcohol
looking the sky recall
while fly thousands of stars
make lines pulling the darkness
and the tide rises, a gold tenuous
the clouds shine and disappear
revealing the truth of the lines
pulled the body inert of the sun
and suddenly revives and us blinds
"taiyou no shi' means 'death of the sun'. What makes the previous poem macaronic verse is that it's sort of a mixture of english and spanish. In that I only translated the words, not the lines. That is why some lines are grammatically incorrect or strange. Here's the original spanish version, in case you were interested :D
taiyou no shi
El sol murió, dejando atras la luna
un eclipse solitario pierde su sonrisa
y el atardecer retrógrada carece luz
cual simple visión rompe mi sueño
despierto al sentir un frio seguro
la luz de la luna destruye mi ventana
y sin sol veo un espejismo
el desierto estelar lleno de nubes
otro desierto mi garganta y trago
aun tengo sal en la lengua
y en mi mente nadan pensamientos
mi cerebro un mar de alcohol
mirando el cielo recuerdo
mientras vuelan miles de estrellas
tiran lineas halando la oscuridad
y la marea sube, un oro tenue
las nubes brillan y desaparecen
revelando la realidad de las lineas
halaban el cuerpo inerte del sol
y de repente recucita y nos cega
© 2009 Emilio Gándara
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Sestina
Here's another intricate poetic form. This time it ends up being a rather large poem. Hope you enjoy this sestina.
The View, The Option
All that is, that has crafted out of empty nothing every soul
knows too well the state in which we are, with guilty stain.
In this space the darkness sheds from light a silhouette
and from that shape a shadow cast upon the tortured slaves
those who toil day and night with no rest or peace or silence
For such the light clothed in flesh and blood became savior
In our delusion we were all convinced we needed no savior
but in the depths of our frame lay a fractured, needy soul
we laughed in our folly, it cried in its own secret silence
in its eyes took root a dark shape, an unwieldy, deathly stain
and given the choice, we put on shackles and chose to be slaves
but the truth hit us like a midday sun, all that is left a silhouette
Once that bomb fell, all that was left on the walls were silhouettes
they had nothing but the future in their hands, they knew no savior
they were the children of the children of the children of the slaves
when the dust settled, all that was left, were ambulating souls
all you could see was ash, dust, debris, and the sporadic stain
and if you had ears to hear, all that filled the air was silence
We all watched the TV. We watched it in disbelief and silence
The towering pillars of steel and commerce in grainy silhouettes
in surprise we couldn't save the jumpers, now on asphalt: stains
perhaps some, feeling the grip of death stayed, waiting for a savior
but was the price they paid a heavy expense? Perhaps, their soul.
Of the news, of the phone, of all we could learn we were slaves
Days after becoming sixteen, in such youth already a slave
and who could know a secret so well kept behind a lock of silence
He paid every day, he paid in dollars and cents, in life and soul
under street lamps, the shape of men, paper and bag silhouettes
he shot up but couldn't pay up so he was shot up with no savior
his mother runs to the street to her baby, on her dress blood-stains
Nobody wears such old clothes, splattered of gross, smelly stains
but she does. They call her a walker in the night and she too is a slave
he gave her a place to lay her weary body; he calls himself her savior
he hits her and uses her and she is left, a crying pile of bones, in silence
she came to know no other way but being a screaming silhouette
she thinks to herself she is pathetic and broken, and has lost her soul
The answer is true for every soul, even though we are full of stains
our shadows projected like silhouettes, bound to a wall as slaves
we need not suffer in this silence. There is one who knows us: a savior
© 2009 Emilio Gándara
The View, The Option
All that is, that has crafted out of empty nothing every soul
knows too well the state in which we are, with guilty stain.
In this space the darkness sheds from light a silhouette
and from that shape a shadow cast upon the tortured slaves
those who toil day and night with no rest or peace or silence
For such the light clothed in flesh and blood became savior
In our delusion we were all convinced we needed no savior
but in the depths of our frame lay a fractured, needy soul
we laughed in our folly, it cried in its own secret silence
in its eyes took root a dark shape, an unwieldy, deathly stain
and given the choice, we put on shackles and chose to be slaves
but the truth hit us like a midday sun, all that is left a silhouette
Once that bomb fell, all that was left on the walls were silhouettes
they had nothing but the future in their hands, they knew no savior
they were the children of the children of the children of the slaves
when the dust settled, all that was left, were ambulating souls
all you could see was ash, dust, debris, and the sporadic stain
and if you had ears to hear, all that filled the air was silence
We all watched the TV. We watched it in disbelief and silence
The towering pillars of steel and commerce in grainy silhouettes
in surprise we couldn't save the jumpers, now on asphalt: stains
perhaps some, feeling the grip of death stayed, waiting for a savior
but was the price they paid a heavy expense? Perhaps, their soul.
Of the news, of the phone, of all we could learn we were slaves
Days after becoming sixteen, in such youth already a slave
and who could know a secret so well kept behind a lock of silence
He paid every day, he paid in dollars and cents, in life and soul
under street lamps, the shape of men, paper and bag silhouettes
he shot up but couldn't pay up so he was shot up with no savior
his mother runs to the street to her baby, on her dress blood-stains
Nobody wears such old clothes, splattered of gross, smelly stains
but she does. They call her a walker in the night and she too is a slave
he gave her a place to lay her weary body; he calls himself her savior
he hits her and uses her and she is left, a crying pile of bones, in silence
she came to know no other way but being a screaming silhouette
she thinks to herself she is pathetic and broken, and has lost her soul
The answer is true for every soul, even though we are full of stains
our shadows projected like silhouettes, bound to a wall as slaves
we need not suffer in this silence. There is one who knows us: a savior
© 2009 Emilio Gándara
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Villanelle
I wrote a villanelle for class. It's a poem that has a pretty strict form. See here for a better explanation than I wish to give right now :)
Mutability or The Traveling Speed of Resolution
I do not wish to miss my train
so I wind my clock at ten past two
and sit still where it stays the same
Your body sways, it leans and wanes
aloof I turn and say to you
“I do not wish to miss my train”
Your eyes are fury, rage not tame
I resign, you reach, I rue
and sit still where it stays the same
I'm your boon and you're my bane
under my breath I sigh so true
I do not wish to miss my train
I will flee and freedom gain
you will search and weep and brood
and sit still where it stays the same
In its lack, I, change became
I'll ride to where it all is new
I do not wish to miss my train
and sit still where it stays the same
© 2009 Emilio Gándara
Mutability or The Traveling Speed of Resolution
I do not wish to miss my train
so I wind my clock at ten past two
and sit still where it stays the same
Your body sways, it leans and wanes
aloof I turn and say to you
“I do not wish to miss my train”
Your eyes are fury, rage not tame
I resign, you reach, I rue
and sit still where it stays the same
I'm your boon and you're my bane
under my breath I sigh so true
I do not wish to miss my train
I will flee and freedom gain
you will search and weep and brood
and sit still where it stays the same
In its lack, I, change became
I'll ride to where it all is new
I do not wish to miss my train
and sit still where it stays the same
© 2009 Emilio Gándara
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Elegy For My Late Sister
At a tender age, unknowable wisdom
Seven past the decade, treading on feeble step
Joyful beyond poverty, sick beyond healing
Given death for mercy, may she rest
Born before me, dead before me
Daughter of a mother, mother to many
Trusting love, she was speechless
Trusting us, she was family
Her end given as late news
In grief I shed a salty sea
As a boy, she taught me death
and its infinite separation
She was old in my youth
And left before she saw me grow
I pray God forgive her in her innocence
And that when I leave she sees me grown
© 2009 Emilio Gandara
Seven past the decade, treading on feeble step
Joyful beyond poverty, sick beyond healing
Given death for mercy, may she rest
Born before me, dead before me
Daughter of a mother, mother to many
Trusting love, she was speechless
Trusting us, she was family
Her end given as late news
In grief I shed a salty sea
As a boy, she taught me death
and its infinite separation
She was old in my youth
And left before she saw me grow
I pray God forgive her in her innocence
And that when I leave she sees me grown
© 2009 Emilio Gandara
Monday, April 13, 2009
No Theorem version 2
Hey, so using the criticism given me in class, I rewrote the octave in this sonnet. Here is the new version. Thoughts?
No Theorem
The one in her eyes reflected is me
mind running infinitely standing still
a circle of gold unbounded and free
is in my hand, and in my spine a chill
I stand and kneel before her, my future
two can be one at the 'yes' from her lips
but a 'no' results in mind's rapture
and our parallel lives curve at the tips
bursting thoughts in rationale and justice
endless testing spinning process reason
this rejection taken swiftly caused this
not a man but shadows for a season
love in one direction as a vector
magnitude in vain with no reflector
© 2009 Emilio Gandara
No Theorem
The one in her eyes reflected is me
mind running infinitely standing still
a circle of gold unbounded and free
is in my hand, and in my spine a chill
I stand and kneel before her, my future
two can be one at the 'yes' from her lips
but a 'no' results in mind's rapture
and our parallel lives curve at the tips
bursting thoughts in rationale and justice
endless testing spinning process reason
this rejection taken swiftly caused this
not a man but shadows for a season
love in one direction as a vector
magnitude in vain with no reflector
© 2009 Emilio Gandara
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sonnet
I haven't been posting as much stuff from poetry class as I thought I would but I just finished writing my (first?) sonnet and I thought I'd share it. This is probably a first draft but sonnets are hard and it's my first go at it so I'm sort of proud of it hee hee ^^
No Theorem
She decided not to take my offer
and live to tell the tale of deep regret
take the road that steers the clearest of her
and given time my mind will soon forget
I will hold the memory of loving
and she will pay a ransom for her time
ring in hand I'll stop the hate from growing
and try to find a prison for this crime
bursting thoughts in rationale and justice
endless testing spinning process reason
this rejection taken swiftly caused this
not a man but shadows for a season
love in one direction as a vector
magnitude in vain with no reflector
© 2008 Emilio Gandara
No Theorem
She decided not to take my offer
and live to tell the tale of deep regret
take the road that steers the clearest of her
and given time my mind will soon forget
I will hold the memory of loving
and she will pay a ransom for her time
ring in hand I'll stop the hate from growing
and try to find a prison for this crime
bursting thoughts in rationale and justice
endless testing spinning process reason
this rejection taken swiftly caused this
not a man but shadows for a season
love in one direction as a vector
magnitude in vain with no reflector
© 2008 Emilio Gandara
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Poetry
I'm taking a poetry class this quarter. I'm pretty excited about it and today was the first day. I was pretty nervous coz it's something that matters to me but it was pretty fun. Actually, at the end we were tasked with a little exercise: to write a sample poem. Basically we had to write 5 lyrics or catch phrases, anything that we could think of, from whatever artist or media. I was actually called upon to read it. My heart was pounding so hard you'd think I'd laid eyes on the love of my life for the first time. So here it is, I'm going to italicize the parts I sampled and leave the guessing to you guys :D
I'm not ready for you to go
I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow
but if you stay with me a while
give me an hour and I'll give you your dream
I heard you say you wished I'd die
and I thought "only if He'll bring me back a dog in the next life"
take a second and think of it
the implication of your imposition
where were you a week ago
when we sang and our song shook the ground
that's when I wished you'd never die
and you said "I'll be a better me tomorrow"
© Emilio Gandara 2008
Have fun guessing! I know cris will know one right away coz it's sort of an inside joke of ours ;)
I'm not ready for you to go
I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow
but if you stay with me a while
give me an hour and I'll give you your dream
I heard you say you wished I'd die
and I thought "only if He'll bring me back a dog in the next life"
take a second and think of it
the implication of your imposition
where were you a week ago
when we sang and our song shook the ground
that's when I wished you'd never die
and you said "I'll be a better me tomorrow"
© Emilio Gandara 2008
Have fun guessing! I know cris will know one right away coz it's sort of an inside joke of ours ;)
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Haiku otw 3/9 I
Late again, but I won't bother myself with the details, hehe.
I long to move so:
Further Up and Further In
just to see the Light
Just finished reading The Chronicles of Narnia. Amazing is a gross understatement in describing what a work the Lord has blessed C. S. Lewis with. Enjoyed every bit of it!
I long to move so:
Further Up and Further In
just to see the Light
Just finished reading The Chronicles of Narnia. Amazing is a gross understatement in describing what a work the Lord has blessed C. S. Lewis with. Enjoyed every bit of it!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
WotW March 09 I
Hey all, I'm on time again, hooray! And so, the word will be...
concupiscence -
strong desire, especially sexual desire (in other words, a fancy word for lust)
Used in a sentence: Rather than being fought, concupiscence is best defeated through escape.
Reason: Saw it written in my Bible :)
[edit - I was actually early! I just can't get it right, can I? haha]
concupiscence -
strong desire, especially sexual desire (in other words, a fancy word for lust)
Used in a sentence: Rather than being fought, concupiscence is best defeated through escape.
Reason: Saw it written in my Bible :)
[edit - I was actually early! I just can't get it right, can I? haha]
Monday, March 2, 2009
Late WotW and Haiku! (Feb 09 IV)
Hey all, here's a double-whammy late edition but because in the span of an hour I've received both the word and haiku so instead of skipping a week I decided to post both.
Lackadaisical -
lacking life, spirit, or zest
Used in a sentence: Upon quitting his long-drawn pursuit of existential knowledge, a cold wind was breathed and a lackadaisical sigh was exhaled.
Reason: I saw in twitter that it is my friend Jen's new favorite word.
Aaaaand the haiku is thus, inspired by The Watchmen:
teleportation
requires a deep knowledge
of things temporal
:D
Lackadaisical -
lacking life, spirit, or zest
Used in a sentence: Upon quitting his long-drawn pursuit of existential knowledge, a cold wind was breathed and a lackadaisical sigh was exhaled.
Reason: I saw in twitter that it is my friend Jen's new favorite word.
Aaaaand the haiku is thus, inspired by The Watchmen:
teleportation
requires a deep knowledge
of things temporal
:D
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Late Haiku! 2 (Feb 09 III)
So uhhhhh, yeah....
雪が降る
そして病気だ
不公平
So another random japanese haiku. And a rather loose translation.
it snows once again
and I am struck with illness
is it not unfair?
Yes, loose, quite loose. Literally what I said in japanese is
it snows
and I'm sick
unfair
so yeah... lacking... syllables! hehe
雪が降る
そして病気だ
不公平
So another random japanese haiku. And a rather loose translation.
it snows once again
and I am struck with illness
is it not unfair?
Yes, loose, quite loose. Literally what I said in japanese is
it snows
and I'm sick
unfair
so yeah... lacking... syllables! hehe
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Word of the Week (Feb 09 III)
Nonplus - (MW and from here on out, unless otherwise mentioned, this will be the reference)
to cause to be at a loss as to what to say, think, or do
Used in a sentence: She dropped the knife and for an instant stood nonplussed.
Reason: From when I first saw the word I really liked it, not only because it had eluded me for so long but because of what it meant. I like the idea of being hit with such a strong realization that you cannot even muster a reaction. Which is almost what I felt when I failed an important test today but my reaction was clearly to sulk until I reasoned myself into not feeling too bad about it. :)
to cause to be at a loss as to what to say, think, or do
Used in a sentence: She dropped the knife and for an instant stood nonplussed.
Reason: From when I first saw the word I really liked it, not only because it had eluded me for so long but because of what it meant. I like the idea of being hit with such a strong realization that you cannot even muster a reaction. Which is almost what I felt when I failed an important test today but my reaction was clearly to sulk until I reasoned myself into not feeling too bad about it. :)
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Late Haiku!
I'm not moving it down another day, I was just late again! Sorry, gomen gomen!
maybe for the cold
chilling the air to stillness
did this come so late
and there you have it, an apology AND a haiku ^^ and here's a bonus holiday Haiku.
take your love in hand
and clench your fist to crush it
now share it with all
<3 love y'all~ Happy Valentine's Day :D <3
maybe for the cold
chilling the air to stillness
did this come so late
and there you have it, an apology AND a haiku ^^ and here's a bonus holiday Haiku.
take your love in hand
and clench your fist to crush it
now share it with all
<3 love y'all~ Happy Valentine's Day :D <3
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Word of the Week (Feb 09 II)
Nihilism - (MW)
a viewpoint that traditional values and beliefs are unfounded and that existence is senseless and useless b: a doctrine that denies any objective ground of truth and especially of moral truths
Used in a sentence: Your not going to give your pokemon a nickname is so nihilistic.
Reason: Bucky's writing a paper on ethic nihilism and it totally reminded me of the fact that in Pokemon Diamond/Pearl if you don't nickname your pokemon it'll say it's a nihilistic thing to do. wwwww
a viewpoint that traditional values and beliefs are unfounded and that existence is senseless and useless b: a doctrine that denies any objective ground of truth and especially of moral truths
Used in a sentence: Your not going to give your pokemon a nickname is so nihilistic.
Reason: Bucky's writing a paper on ethic nihilism and it totally reminded me of the fact that in Pokemon Diamond/Pearl if you don't nickname your pokemon it'll say it's a nihilistic thing to do. wwwww
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
random Tech Transfer paper
I recently wrote a short paper for a class called Technology Transfer. I probably didn't have to write half as much as I did but I kinda went on about things and ended up with a short paper instead of four short answers. So for whatever reason, I'm publishing it here.
Technologically speaking, I don't think a lot has really changed in the past few years. To be sure, computers have gotten better, faster and for the most part, cheaper, but what was true then is just as true now. Because of that, the question of whether we are headed in the right direction may be just as important as the matter of the speed in which we are traveling. That is, just how long will making bigger hard drives and faster processors really go for before technological advances change in their nature? If that is the “right direction” then regardless of the speed at which these developments occur, we are undoubtedly headed in it. However, if computerizing every single thing in our lives is the “wrong direction” then we may soon find ourselves in a bad place we can't easily turn back from.
Technology has become nigh ubiquitous in our daily lives and, as all things, brings with it positive and negative consequences. It makes a lot of things in our lives much easier compared to having to do things manually. For instance, paperwork in just about every field has been drastically reduced because of computers. That, in and of itself, has a consequent result, which is that it helps the environment. The opposite side of the same coin, however, is that as computers are manufactured by the millions, the efforts to recycle them, once people begin to throw them away with each upgrade, become more and more impaired. Again, as the article plainly shows, as computers continue to replace certain processes in our lives, while in many instances they often maximize our effectivity, they may also hinder us in ways that the non-computerized way would not. The woman in Houston with the “smart house” would never have to “restart” her house previous to its computerization, and the 8 hour process of her doing so is surely a bother, but because of said technology, she may be saving electricity, water and have added security.
Ultimately, the degree to which we use technology will not only be a case by case basis, but in general terms come down to each individual's decision to adopt or not. While there are certain technological advances that are practically inescapable, like this year's switch to digital transmissions, most technologies are opted into. For example, the article starts out recounting the story of Nancy as she “joined an elite group” when she purchased her car. Certainly, there have to be cautious, sound minds calculating the possible outcomes of technologies that are developed. The government will always have a certain amount of control over the process of policing technology but I think when it all comes down to it, the consumer is the one that determines what stays and what goes and that is you and I. So in the end, a degree of constraint is all but necessary as with technology's awesome potential for good, is inextricably connected to the power to harm.
©2008 Emilio Gándara
Technologically speaking, I don't think a lot has really changed in the past few years. To be sure, computers have gotten better, faster and for the most part, cheaper, but what was true then is just as true now. Because of that, the question of whether we are headed in the right direction may be just as important as the matter of the speed in which we are traveling. That is, just how long will making bigger hard drives and faster processors really go for before technological advances change in their nature? If that is the “right direction” then regardless of the speed at which these developments occur, we are undoubtedly headed in it. However, if computerizing every single thing in our lives is the “wrong direction” then we may soon find ourselves in a bad place we can't easily turn back from.
Technology has become nigh ubiquitous in our daily lives and, as all things, brings with it positive and negative consequences. It makes a lot of things in our lives much easier compared to having to do things manually. For instance, paperwork in just about every field has been drastically reduced because of computers. That, in and of itself, has a consequent result, which is that it helps the environment. The opposite side of the same coin, however, is that as computers are manufactured by the millions, the efforts to recycle them, once people begin to throw them away with each upgrade, become more and more impaired. Again, as the article plainly shows, as computers continue to replace certain processes in our lives, while in many instances they often maximize our effectivity, they may also hinder us in ways that the non-computerized way would not. The woman in Houston with the “smart house” would never have to “restart” her house previous to its computerization, and the 8 hour process of her doing so is surely a bother, but because of said technology, she may be saving electricity, water and have added security.
Ultimately, the degree to which we use technology will not only be a case by case basis, but in general terms come down to each individual's decision to adopt or not. While there are certain technological advances that are practically inescapable, like this year's switch to digital transmissions, most technologies are opted into. For example, the article starts out recounting the story of Nancy as she “joined an elite group” when she purchased her car. Certainly, there have to be cautious, sound minds calculating the possible outcomes of technologies that are developed. The government will always have a certain amount of control over the process of policing technology but I think when it all comes down to it, the consumer is the one that determines what stays and what goes and that is you and I. So in the end, a degree of constraint is all but necessary as with technology's awesome potential for good, is inextricably connected to the power to harm.
©2008 Emilio Gándara
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Haiku of the Week (Feb 09 I)
Another week, another haiku. This time I'm doing it on friday because, well the truth is I totally forgot to do it yesterday. I think it's a good thing though because that way the two features this blog has aren't both on subsequent days so as to have more stuff go on during the week. Or something like that :). Without further ado:
the circular dome
covering this wintry day
is a calm blue sea
And of course I'm talking about the sky, which so majestically envelops this very day, and presently brightens my room through the window.
:)
the circular dome
covering this wintry day
is a calm blue sea
And of course I'm talking about the sky, which so majestically envelops this very day, and presently brightens my room through the window.
:)
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Word of the Week (Feb 09 I)
Ubiquitous - (MW)
existing or being everywhere at the same time : constantly encountered
Used in a sentence: Technology has become nigh ubiquitous in our daily lives and, as all things, brings with it positive and negative consequences.
Reason: That sentence just now was from an essay that I recently wrote for a class I'm taking called Technology Transfer. More so than anything, I chose this word because of how amused Amanda was at my using 'nigh ubiquitous' in an essay for a class. :)
existing or being everywhere at the same time : constantly encountered
Used in a sentence: Technology has become nigh ubiquitous in our daily lives and, as all things, brings with it positive and negative consequences.
Reason: That sentence just now was from an essay that I recently wrote for a class I'm taking called Technology Transfer. More so than anything, I chose this word because of how amused Amanda was at my using 'nigh ubiquitous' in an essay for a class. :)
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Haiku of the Week
And here's another feature I plan to do weekly XD (in hopes of using this blog other than the ultra long biographical logs).
おもいゆき
つよくふってる
けどきれい
Didn't expect it to be an actual 俳句 (haiku) did ya? Well there it was. A liberal translation may say:
heaviest of snow
falls ever so heavily
but is beautiful
Tune in next week. Let's see if I can do more japanese ones :)
おもいゆき
つよくふってる
けどきれい
Didn't expect it to be an actual 俳句 (haiku) did ya? Well there it was. A liberal translation may say:
heaviest of snow
falls ever so heavily
but is beautiful
Tune in next week. Let's see if I can do more japanese ones :)
Word of the Week
So I decided to try to do a word of the week "feature" lol.
Superfluous - (according to Merriam Webster)
1 a: exceeding what is sufficient or necessary : extra b: not needed : unnecessary
2obsolete : marked by wastefulness : extravagant
Used in a sentence: Truly getting a chocolate bar at the end of this chocolate factory's tour is superfluous.
Reason I chose this word is because for whatever reason I've been saying it a lot. So there you have it, tune in next week for the next Word of the Week, till then, stay superfluous.
Superfluous - (according to Merriam Webster)
1 a: exceeding what is sufficient or necessary : extra b: not needed : unnecessary
2obsolete : marked by wastefulness : extravagant
Used in a sentence: Truly getting a chocolate bar at the end of this chocolate factory's tour is superfluous.
Reason I chose this word is because for whatever reason I've been saying it a lot. So there you have it, tune in next week for the next Word of the Week, till then, stay superfluous.
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