Hey, so using the criticism given me in class, I rewrote the octave in this sonnet. Here is the new version. Thoughts?
No Theorem
The one in her eyes reflected is me
mind running infinitely standing still
a circle of gold unbounded and free
is in my hand, and in my spine a chill
I stand and kneel before her, my future
two can be one at the 'yes' from her lips
but a 'no' results in mind's rapture
and our parallel lives curve at the tips
bursting thoughts in rationale and justice
endless testing spinning process reason
this rejection taken swiftly caused this
not a man but shadows for a season
love in one direction as a vector
magnitude in vain with no reflector
© 2009 Emilio Gandara
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