Random thought #34

In this day and age, man is a dry wood and information is a fire.

California

Yes, you heard right (read right?). Effective May 27th, I moved in with my sister and her family in California. The reason, you ask? I wish I could say there's an easy answer, a clear reason, heck, even a better motive than job searching. However, here I am and here's where I'll be for a good while, I hope.

I graduated the 22nd of May with a BS in IT, which, for the record, is not a Bulls**t in Indexing Turtles*. In the search for a reason, we can experiment with RETROSPECTION and need only look back a few weeks. Actually, if we look back 2-3 months it may be even more entertaining(/boring). As most of you know, I was working for The Sherwin-Williams Company until... well, I may still be working for them ww (<-- those w's mean I'm laughing in japanese). I applied for a co-op with them spring of 2007. Actually, it was more like I gave my resume to a recruiter at a job fair in RIT that spring. I didn't even hear back from them until that summer while I was working in my aunt's company. Long story short (as if that ever happens with me), I got a telephone interview with Sherwin that fall and was working for them that december. And work I did! The co-op was a double-block, which means I was to work with them for Winter quarter (Dec-Feb) and Spring quarter (Mar-May) but as luck would have it (really it was God's will), I ended up extending my stay with them through the summer and then even through that fall! Went back to RIT december of '08 and finished my degree in Indexing Turtles** while telecommuting (working from far away) for Sherwin.

Needless to say, Sherwin's been a super blessing and a great experience but as the time of graduating crept closer and closer I had to figure out what I was going to do. I asked Sherwin about the possibility of a full-time position and they said that for various reasons (one of which I'm inclined to believe is my lack of ability XD ) they couldn't really offer me one. However, they were awesomely nice enough to offer me the opportunity to go to Cleveland after graduation and work for them as a co-op for up to 6 months while I continue to look for a job. Of course, this didn't stop me from trying to find a job as I didn't want to fall back on Sherwin. I started to look at job listings in Craig's list. Now, I know you know I have some SUPER COOL friends in Cleveland and they're SUPER COOL indeed but somehow I felt Cleveland wasn't where I was supposed to be. Add to that the fact that an awakening in me occurred towards wanting to rejoin family. That is, I wanted to end up closer to them and in this case that meant living near either of my sisters, since there was pretty much no way I would purposely decide to go back to PR. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and everything but PR is just not for me at this point. To that end, I started eyeing out Craig's list job listings in Nashville, TN, Sacramento, CA and San Francisco,CA/Bay area. I sent out more resumes than ever and never heard back from anybody. This time I'm inclined to blame the bad economy or my lack of experience.

Well my time at RIT began to come to an end and I was sort of beginning to scramble to decide. I was trying to hold out as long as I could to get a job elsewhere and have a valid reason not to go back to Cleveland. Alas, it never came. And then something quite interesting happened. I went back to Cleveland for Russ and Kindel's wedding the second weekend of May. In one of the many conversations that I had, a friend told me of something she did. She went out on a limb to NYC without a job and found one after she got there. This clicked in my head and made perfect sense to me! A sort of epiphany almost, then again it was probably God talking through her testimony. Whatever the case, I knew what I was going to do... or at least attempt to do! Because Bay Area had yielded the most job listings, I thought it'd be a good idea to ask my sister who lives in Cali so I gave her a call. Her reply was great! She was totally in tune with the possibility of me going out there and even opened her house to me. Within a week I had booked my plane ticket and was rearing to go.

My parents came to Rochester for my graduation on thursday the 21st and joined me and tons of my friends for graduation on the 22nd. They stayed around until the following week's wednesday, which happened to be the day my flight out to Cali was. They helped me A TON with getting all my stuff shipped as well as some other people like Bucky, Ryan and Moses and Uncle Jim helping me get rid of some of my other stuff. Finally, after spending way too much money shipping everything (it still would've been twice as much to use u-haul or a moving company) Wednesday came and off we went. And here I am, crashing at my sister's place until I find me a job so I can hopefully find my own place (in this world*** www). It's been really nice out here hangin out with my sister and bro-in-law and nephew (Coppelia, Adam and Christopher respectively). I'm glad to be part of the family and am trying to help out as much as I can. In fact, I even helped out with worship at church today :) So yeah, maybe I don't really have a reason to be here but I'm absolutely certain there's a purpose behind it all.

TaT out.

* terrible joke #1
** reference to terrible joke #1
*** terrible joke # 2

A pantoum!

Here's a pantoum, rounding out my final poem for the portfolio!

Gloaming

The woods are quietest at dusk.
Fog passes through trees like spirits.
The muffled footsteps of foxes alert us
so we stay close to the ground and hold breath.

Fog passes through trees like spirits
as the leaves turn slowly to ash
so we stay close to the ground and hold breath
for fear of choking on the deathly smoke.

As the leaves turn slowly to ash
the dim white sky darkens to gray.
For fear of choking on the deathly smoke
we breathe heavier inside our masks.

The dim white sky darkens to gray
but we can barely see the first star.
We breathe heavier inside our masks
and the blood inside us rushes to our eyes

but we can barely see the first star!
We focus with clear intent
and the blood inside us rushes to our eyes.
It would kill us to miss this chance.

We focus with clear intent.
The target is at hand,
it would kill us to miss this chance.
The fire has no will to stop us now.

The target is at hand!
The muffled footsteps of foxes alert us.
The fire has no will to stop us now.
The woods are quietest at dusk.

© 2009 Emilio Gándara

Some new poems

Hey all, here's a new batch of poems. First off an ode, written in that sort of pretty elizabethan "exalted" language :)

Ode To Certainty

Mild mannered creature of lore
Calm, the air around thee sighs
Solemn, the earth change not

Hunters chase thee in scores
Yet thine elusive form hides
Thy secret place held aloft

Mercy, give me time before
My aging blood of me denies
My life is stolen thought

Thou art the knowing future
What aptly anxiety divides
Till sorrow's remnant is nought

Thee I hold in my deepest core
Your visage alone and me likewise
A shadow in thine chamber caught

The words thou speak whom can ignore
Their very life and breath belies
The rest that my conviction sought

Wilt be mine I beg for more
Than thine mere mention tries
And fails to be mine life's lot

And then a macaronic verse :D

taiyou no shi

The sun died, leaving behind the moon
an eclipse solitary loses its smile
and the sunset retrograde lacks light
what simple vision breaks my dream

wake at feeling a cold safe
the light of the moon destroys my window
and without sun see a mirage
a desert stellar full of clouds

another desert my throat and swallow
yet have salt on my tongue
and in my brain swim thoughts
my brain a sea of alcohol

looking the sky recall
while fly thousands of stars
make lines pulling the darkness
and the tide rises, a gold tenuous

the clouds shine and disappear
revealing the truth of the lines
pulled the body inert of the sun
and suddenly revives and us blinds

"taiyou no shi' means 'death of the sun'. What makes the previous poem macaronic verse is that it's sort of a mixture of english and spanish. In that I only translated the words, not the lines. That is why some lines are grammatically incorrect or strange. Here's the original spanish version, in case you were interested :D

taiyou no shi

El sol murió, dejando atras la luna
un eclipse solitario pierde su sonrisa
y el atardecer retrógrada carece luz
cual simple visión rompe mi sueño

despierto al sentir un frio seguro
la luz de la luna destruye mi ventana
y sin sol veo un espejismo
el desierto estelar lleno de nubes

otro desierto mi garganta y trago
aun tengo sal en la lengua
y en mi mente nadan pensamientos
mi cerebro un mar de alcohol

mirando el cielo recuerdo
mientras vuelan miles de estrellas
tiran lineas halando la oscuridad
y la marea sube, un oro tenue

las nubes brillan y desaparecen
revelando la realidad de las lineas
halaban el cuerpo inerte del sol
y de repente recucita y nos cega

© 2009 Emilio Gándara

Sestina

Here's another intricate poetic form. This time it ends up being a rather large poem. Hope you enjoy this sestina.

The View, The Option

All that is, that has crafted out of empty nothing every soul
knows too well the state in which we are, with guilty stain.
In this space the darkness sheds from light a silhouette
and from that shape a shadow cast upon the tortured slaves
those who toil day and night with no rest or peace or silence
For such the light clothed in flesh and blood became savior

In our delusion we were all convinced we needed no savior
but in the depths of our frame lay a fractured, needy soul
we laughed in our folly, it cried in its own secret silence
in its eyes took root a dark shape, an unwieldy, deathly stain
and given the choice, we put on shackles and chose to be slaves
but the truth hit us like a midday sun, all that is left a silhouette

Once that bomb fell, all that was left on the walls were silhouettes
they had nothing but the future in their hands, they knew no savior
they were the children of the children of the children of the slaves
when the dust settled, all that was left, were ambulating souls
all you could see was ash, dust, debris, and the sporadic stain
and if you had ears to hear, all that filled the air was silence

We all watched the TV. We watched it in disbelief and silence
The towering pillars of steel and commerce in grainy silhouettes
in surprise we couldn't save the jumpers, now on asphalt: stains
perhaps some, feeling the grip of death stayed, waiting for a savior
but was the price they paid a heavy expense? Perhaps, their soul.
Of the news, of the phone, of all we could learn we were slaves

Days after becoming sixteen, in such youth already a slave
and who could know a secret so well kept behind a lock of silence
He paid every day, he paid in dollars and cents, in life and soul
under street lamps, the shape of men, paper and bag silhouettes
he shot up but couldn't pay up so he was shot up with no savior
his mother runs to the street to her baby, on her dress blood-stains

Nobody wears such old clothes, splattered of gross, smelly stains
but she does. They call her a walker in the night and she too is a slave
he gave her a place to lay her weary body; he calls himself her savior
he hits her and uses her and she is left, a crying pile of bones, in silence
she came to know no other way but being a screaming silhouette
she thinks to herself she is pathetic and broken, and has lost her soul

The answer is true for every soul, even though we are full of stains
our shadows projected like silhouettes, bound to a wall as slaves
we need not suffer in this silence. There is one who knows us: a savior

© 2009 Emilio Gándara

Villanelle

I wrote a villanelle for class. It's a poem that has a pretty strict form. See here for a better explanation than I wish to give right now :)

Mutability or The Traveling Speed of Resolution

I do not wish to miss my train
so I wind my clock at ten past two
and sit still where it stays the same

Your body sways, it leans and wanes
aloof I turn and say to you
“I do not wish to miss my train”

Your eyes are fury, rage not tame
I resign, you reach, I rue
and sit still where it stays the same

I'm your boon and you're my bane
under my breath I sigh so true
I do not wish to miss my train

I will flee and freedom gain
you will search and weep and brood
and sit still where it stays the same

In its lack, I, change became
I'll ride to where it all is new
I do not wish to miss my train
and sit still where it stays the same

© 2009 Emilio Gándara

Elegy For My Late Sister

At a tender age, unknowable wisdom
Seven past the decade, treading on feeble step
Joyful beyond poverty, sick beyond healing
Given death for mercy, may she rest

Born before me, dead before me
Daughter of a mother, mother to many
Trusting love, she was speechless
Trusting us, she was family

Her end given as late news
In grief I shed a salty sea
As a boy, she taught me death
and its infinite separation

She was old in my youth
And left before she saw me grow
I pray God forgive her in her innocence
And that when I leave she sees me grown

© 2009 Emilio Gandara

No Theorem version 2

Hey, so using the criticism given me in class, I rewrote the octave in this sonnet. Here is the new version. Thoughts?

No Theorem

The one in her eyes reflected is me
mind running infinitely standing still
a circle of gold unbounded and free
is in my hand, and in my spine a chill
I stand and kneel before her, my future
two can be one at the 'yes' from her lips
but a 'no' results in mind's rapture
and our parallel lives curve at the tips
bursting thoughts in rationale and justice
endless testing spinning process reason
this rejection taken swiftly caused this
not a man but shadows for a season
love in one direction as a vector
magnitude in vain with no reflector

© 2009 Emilio Gandara

Sonnet

I haven't been posting as much stuff from poetry class as I thought I would but I just finished writing my (first?) sonnet and I thought I'd share it. This is probably a first draft but sonnets are hard and it's my first go at it so I'm sort of proud of it hee hee ^^

No Theorem

She decided not to take my offer
and live to tell the tale of deep regret
take the road that steers the clearest of her
and given time my mind will soon forget
I will hold the memory of loving
and she will pay a ransom for her time
ring in hand I'll stop the hate from growing
and try to find a prison for this crime

bursting thoughts in rationale and justice
endless testing spinning process reason
this rejection taken swiftly caused this
not a man but shadows for a season

love in one direction as a vector
magnitude in vain with no reflector

© 2008 Emilio Gandara

Poetry

I'm taking a poetry class this quarter. I'm pretty excited about it and today was the first day. I was pretty nervous coz it's something that matters to me but it was pretty fun. Actually, at the end we were tasked with a little exercise: to write a sample poem. Basically we had to write 5 lyrics or catch phrases, anything that we could think of, from whatever artist or media. I was actually called upon to read it. My heart was pounding so hard you'd think I'd laid eyes on the love of my life for the first time. So here it is, I'm going to italicize the parts I sampled and leave the guessing to you guys :D

I'm not ready for you to go
I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow
but if you stay with me a while
give me an hour and I'll give you your dream

I heard you say you wished I'd die
and I thought "only if He'll bring me back a dog in the next life"
take a second and think of it
the implication of your imposition

where were you a week ago
when we sang and our song shook the ground
that's when I wished you'd never die
and you said "I'll be a better me tomorrow"

© Emilio Gandara 2008

Have fun guessing! I know cris will know one right away coz it's sort of an inside joke of ours ;)