The Hallways Stretch Forever

two mirrors and within them one will
one curve and two angles, singularly
fears and foci: future abstracted
the ends meet, grasp, tighten and wait

an overflow, forming pools
two mirrors face to face: infinitely
and inside is a fractured spark
deeper in, the drums of peace

in an instant the spark arches
glowing, the soul smooths the pools out
two mirrors: the ring of time bounces
at once, eternity is deconstructed

the drums now beating
rhythm, in a to and fro metronome
is the spark transcending thought
two mirrors find harmony in unison

the spark now a beam at speed
its bounce a beat outside of time
two mirrors opening to an end
and the end expanding ever closer

faster, the drums now scream
two mirrors in a riot flood
a killing pulse, once, twice deceived
the whirring beam is banished

two mirrors clearly, desperately dark
breaking past the instant's wall
the line is taut, gravity strung anew
and the moment is complete in the touch

A Study: Is Not

Nothing is quite as brain-emptying as a blank page, an empty space begging to be filled all the while siphoning every inkling of a thought that may be escaping your mind. The black hole, it is thought, produces a great amount of light but so strong is its power of attraction that none of it escapes. The white void, the plain canvas, holds in its vast lands the rich earth needed for the fruit of knowledge. The black ink, the painted pixel, is the sowing of every image as it is placed rightly, neatly on. This meeting of the poles, this encounter of opposites, the linking of the line that makes a loop and every instant of this traversal: what stripe, what checker, what shadow that light in breaking makes again. Every color divided, united is both and neither in contradictory equality and every oxymoron takes place on this black and white. The very void that void created in its absence found itself.

party music

blue star dance quick
lose love sing stop

pause now think drop
feel shake spin slick

take shape twin fates
light smoke loud sound

go fast trade sides
dip jump step turn

bounce leap flip flop
green beam freeze frame

flash quake boom shock
wave pound crash rock

slow now low ground
look swift sense shift

rise twist bend break
sweat drink smile stay

From When All Was Said

There it was, in shambles. "What a pitiable sight" - the rest considered, under a collective heavy sigh that repeated with each breath. Laid out on a flat surface were the remains, one can only imagine, of what once must have been something grandiose. Dripping from all sides was every liquid substance found within the body that was now tattered, worn and torn in gruesome fashion."To think that is what will come of us all" - they wept and swore in an ache of aeons borne. This fate not sought, they thought, would descend upon them one by one until each surely lay broken thus. "Not so" - thought one in empty hopes and accidental irony. A knot in the stomach at each reeling glimpse and there among the wreck, the weak stitches of fiber sewn by the trembling hands of the witness. It would not help, in the end.

A light, cold and sterile, as heartless as it was bright shone abruptly on the scene, rendering what was previously faintly horrid now endlessly grim and stark. Every nuanced color of destruction was now clearly detailed; each hue transforming from fear to rage and loathing. "This is not justice" - booms a furious elder. Speech, until that day strictly prohibited, now claimed and true by the brave one. "Where is the voice of the speaker?" - another's voice cracked as he held out in the cruel light an object of worth unfathomable. A small sphere, mistakenly clear for it was in fact of the slightest tint of blue. Held up to the cruel light it was at once impossible to stand. The crowd, one by one in a slow fit, fell, eyes blank and the light and sphere vanished.

Dim at first and then richer and deeper, and without notice, the orange glow is now a sunset in reverse. The celestial sphere, burning in warm colors, unveiled in an instant the state of the fallen. From the core of that wretched form came every groan and glory and what once was the shedding of all life, now a wildfire as thick as stone quickened with heat. The eyes of the mourners, never closed, left behind the gray shade and now in every color found a new strength. Every voice rose from a tremulous whisper until the ground shook in resonance. And in echoes the voice ringing truest uttered a timeless word "Speak. We are forevermore."

Of the Trunk and the Branches

With the NA release of Final Fantasy XIII-2 around the corner, there's been a lot of talk about it and FFXIII lately. One such post I saw recently talked about "what went wrong with FFXIII." The biggest point the author discussed was that of its "overly" linear nature. What he means by that, unless I'm mistaken, is that there didn't seem to be much freedom to decide where to go. Now, I have to agree that for most of FFXIII this was indeed the case - most of the maps had very few branching paths and even when they did branch off it was just for a fight and a treasure chest. This is definitely a far cry from the (here he goes again) overworlds from Final Fantasies of old where, once you left the initial town/village/city you started in you could virtually go anywhere, or so it seemed. Naturally there were limits to where you could go in order for there to be a logical succession to the story but you could still walk around and battle here and there and just see how far you could go. It was really easy to just lose yourself in there. But, although that sense of exploration is unmistakably diminished  (if not altogether lost) with the degree of linearity maps in 13 had, I wonder how much of a negative impact that has on the game's storyline.

The Urge to Scream

shush
the wilderness hears whispers better than screams
white noise, white fog, white bark, white lights
yet despite it all
a fathomless depth, a dark maw swallowed us
why venture forth?
shush
it's not a race. There is no winner
we wouldn't have come without a promised prize
much too much glitters in such darkness
reflective spheres in a circular perimeter
it's not that we were followed
shush
reverence in the throne room
these drapes: vine entwined
columns in rows, thick, resonant, alive
the marbled floor in mud and small bright pools
the regal seating, roots in ascension
shush
the dead flowers wake
their sleep a ruse for the thieves
bleeding from the thorns
the mantle's weight and color: heft, scarlet
entrance and rest, a heaving thump and toothy grin
call
bow, mercy, compromise
war bursts forth instead
shrill sounds in a sudden mania
the whole wood stirs
don that mantle, wash those hands

Nostalgia Fought the Future and We All Lost

Oh. Man. Time to rant! (tl;dr at the end of the post!!!)

So, I just finished Final Fantasy XIII-2 (Final Fantasy shortened to FF hereafter) and *sorta kind not really a spoiler* the ending disappointed me to be honest. Now, that's not what I want to rant about. One of the things I'd love to rant about is how mean the commenting community in Kotaku is, but that's a story for a different day. It's not too far removed from the sort of inane vitriol spouted by a lot of the internet at large but it is generally venomous and drives me to ire 9 out of the 10 times I attempt to read any of it. However, that's also not what I want to rant about (wait, I think I just did, doh!) So I read this article after seeing its video and then read some of the comments. What caused me to go on this rant is this line by the first featured comment:

"Just bring on Versus already. Please. I'm begging you. X_x"

Hello, 2012

Quick note, coz apparently I can't stop posting on my blog all of a sudden. Yeah, it's just weird that it's already been 4 days into the new year. It might feel that way, in part because I've only really left my apartment a handful of times. Anyway, work starts back up tomorrow and as much as I love vacation, some human interaction and just being at work in general, I'm sure, will feel pretty good. I suppose, all I really wanna say is, I hope 2012 is a great year. There's a fairly good chance this'll be my first full year in Japan. We'll see how that goes.

(here's where I get a little ethereal)

Living can be pretty easy sometimes. Course, on the other hand, it's never easy. The balance that we like to call normal is really just the x axis on this sine wave we're all riding. Every time we think we're getting close to it it's just to overshoot it and keep being abnormal. I think, I always want to make the best of when I'm in -y and to really appreciate when I'm in +y - to continue the sine wave metaphor. I don't know, obviously, all that 2012 has in store for me. Every day has its troubles, but time doesn't stop. Before our eyes moments become minutes become days, then weeks, months and just like that another year's past. I honestly don't think "the world will end" in 2012. I do think it'll end, as all things in this life do, but I don't think anyone alive on the planet right now will come to see it. That said, I do see the virtue in living with the thought of finality in mind. Not so that it saddens us but so that it moves us; so that it drives us to cherish life and all that comes with.

I wanna greet 2012 with a good, firm handshake and spend it so that at its end it may initiate the goodbye hug, missing me as I shake hands with 2013.

the duplicate nature of all that is

risen with intention, again the forceful fit
the hammer, heavy and slow at the zenith
swiftly, with a mighty blow, descends and strikes
and changes the form of it

that which dully bends at ease
from fires igniting its amber glow
as tho the tempered metal raged
with a soul that coolly knew its lot

there is science in the process (chains and bonds)
progress guiding unseen forces (strength and weakness)
but from the smith this is shrouded
he cannot see but the manifold light

the pounding clash is a heavy pain
from the burning sheet fly a hundred fire-starters
the resounding clang is a heady tone
in stillness its voice will still be heard

the echoes that, from the future, race
backwards in time, bouncing off the armor
the possibilities this tool bears at its creation
the purpose dripping off its length

now water, now steam - the fires stilled
the soul chilled in a violent restraint
they meet in a shallow gasp and hiss
hints of the heavy price paid in blood

all the secrets hidden in this blade
revealed in its flying through the wind
cutting all, nothing is safe, in rest stirring
torn is flesh, blood, bone, soul, spirit

2011: A Recap (part 2)

2011: Part 2 – Japan

OK guys, how we doin’? Need a break? We’re halfway there now! Don’t worry though, I think the second half may not take as long.
            I’ve already covered a lot of August in the two posts called Japan: A Beginning so I won’t go into much detail so as to not repeat myself. And for Pete’s sake those are a pair of really long posts in and of themselves! Long story short: Tokyo orientation for 4 days was insane, jet-laggie, earthquaky and before I knew it I was already in Oda. After that: few weeks reading, playing games, being hot and sweaty, relaxing and unwinding from the whirlwind of the preceding few weeks. Finally: Shimane orientation where I met many of the crazy bunch of people I live close to and often enjoy drinks/jokes/singing/dancing with. Oh yeah, I got my phone right before orientation and with it a window back into the internet. I missed it so!
            September is when school and my life in Japan began proper. Did a speech in Japanese at opening ceremony, started doing classes with the teachers, sports festival and the following welcoming party was a blast and I met and started to get to know most of the people that are now a huge part of my life. That is, the crazy Oda crew, the teachers at Ni-chuu, surrounding town JETs and last but most definitely not least, the student body at school; gotta love those kids, even the ones that don’t give a quarter of a rat’s fuzzy bottom about English. School is interesting, everything is new, some students are funny, others are difficult, some are undetectable, the teachers are great fun to be around and they make me wish I was already fluent at Japanese so I could also joke around with them. I’m workin’ on it!
            The remaining months of the year go by in much the same manner as September, really. Still just teaching and generally enjoying my time in great amounts. In October I’m starting to feel a little more comfortable with Oda, school life and life in Japan in general. It began to sink it that I’m really going to be here for a while all the while time just flying by faster than I can even fathom. Honestly, it feels like sports day was just the other day but it was actually 4 months ago! In October the kids had culture festival, which was also a lot of fun! Each homeroom chose a song and they practiced and practiced and practiced it for the chorus competition that takes place at the culture festival.
            By the time November rolled around there were still some schools I hadn’t visited, namely the elementary school I visit a few times per semester. I finally got to go to it around mid-November and it was great. While in junior high, it’s sometimes hard to get the students motivated or excited about anything or to even smile, elementary school kids are, in stark contrast, a savage bunch of happy, energetic kids that, for the most part, actually try to do well and want to play games and answer questions and repeat after you! It’s not impossible in junior high but it’s often not easy. I’m sure most teachers out there can relate. It probably also doesn’t help that school is apparently quite difficult in junior high but hey, we all did it, right? Just gotta try to relate and help ‘em get over themselves when necessary, or something like that!
            Finally we round out the year with the month that ended yesterday: December. It was a really feel-good month. It’s finally now after several months that I’ve begun to feel, in some way, comfortable in the classroom. I’m still a little apprehensive in there sometimes but a lot of things are starting to become pretty commonplace and the patterns are starting to show up. I’m slowly learning the kids’ abilities, attitudes, aptitudes and demeanor and most importantly, their names. I can’t try to learn all of their names – I’ve got over 300 students – but I want to learn as many as possible. Names are powerful knowledge and also a sturdy bridge, not to mention a practical requirement in most any relationship. Also, they all know mine so it’s only fair I try to return the favor.
            Right after the semester ended the teachers had the year-end dinner and party and it was WAY more fun than the one at the beginning of the semester. I should note that that one was a lot of fun too. The main reason this one was better is because I now know a lot of the teachers a little better and they know me a little better and so it’s easier to have fun, I guess. Also, more karaoke this time, which, as you know, is my favorite. Sad note: the school nurse ended her stay at the school and I didn’t even realize it when she was giving her speech at the closing ceremony but man was it sad. Needless to say, people everywhere were turning on their waterworks. I almost cried too. She’s a super nice lady and I’m actually really going to miss her.
            Wow, there’s a lot to talk about in December. Wrapping up, I just got back from a super amazing little vacay in Tokyo. Had a ton of fun with Steph and Maggie and their friends Janelle and Ally as we gallivanted about the city and hit up all sorts of places. Check out my album in facebook for a peek at the photos I took. Like I said in a tweet recently, I was only in the city for a few days – not even a week – and I already miss it. I really have to go again and have some more fun there. To give you an idea of how much going about we did, here’s a list of the places we hit up: Shinjuku, Harajuku, Shibuya, Akihabara, Roppongi, Ikebukuro, Tokyo DisneySea, Ghibli museum, the Square-Enix store, the Evangelion store, the Pokemon center, and the list goes on, actually. I even got to have lunch with Kristen from Tiny Prints and her sister (who’s a JET like me) and their friend. We went to a tonkatsu restaurant that our friend Kimi suggested and it really was some of the best tonkatsu I’ve ever had.
            There’s a lot of things I didn’t even talk about but there’s really no way of saying everything and it wouldn’t be very nice to my poor, dear reader to make you read volumes of my often uneventful life, which I’m very much enjoying. This past year, 2011, was a year full of amazing things, saying goodbye to wonderful people, saying hello to friendly people, a year divided but that is really two halves of a whole lot of great things that happened to me. I’ve grown, I’ve changed, I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve eaten like a pig and drunk like I’m more than thirsty. I’ve learned even more about myself, my friends, teaching, learning, Japan, and Japanese than I could have imagined I would. And as 2012 begins, as we mark this new cycle of our planet around the nice warm star God gave us, I’m thankful for what has been, for all I have, and especially for what’s to come. I’m just gonna stand atop this clearing and stare into the bright, blank horizon of the coming year, try and brace for the bad stuff, remember to enjoy the good stuff and really appreciate and be thankful for the great stuff.


2012, here we go!