#ihsaratoga

For those not in the know, the title of this blog is the hash-tag for the Imogen Heap concert I went to last night. As a quick aside, hash-tags are a phrase or word you put in a tweet so that when you search for it, you can find all the tweets that contain it. Anyway, hope you're comfortable coz this post's gonna be a biggie so grab a cup of iced coffee or pearl milk tea (jeez am I my audience? haha), put on some Imogen, sit back wrapped up in your snuggie and enjoy the show, vicariously.

I'm not one to start at the beginning, oh no. I start at the very beginning. That said, a brief history of my Imogen Heap fandom would probably be a good start. I will, however, try to keep it short as this post is about the concert. So yes, I first heard Imogen Heap, like many others, as part of the band Frou Frou; specifically, the song Let Go from the Garden State soundtrack. I owe this to my sister Emille and I am forever grateful. I probably don't need to tell you that it was love at first listen. The journey from that point to finding out about her album Speak for Yourself is a blurry one but I will say I anticipated that album like few others in my life. Some time later Ellipse comes out and some time after that Imogen's first tour for it. Here's a sad part: I missed her concert in the Fillmore last year. I was crushed but hopeful for the official US tour after she came back from Europe. All culminated in last night's show.

The drive up to the Mountain Winery is winding but beautiful. I only wish I hadn't been the driver so I could have just stared out the window to take in the sights from the side of mountain. The venue itself is a fantastic little place and it was the first outdoors concert I'd ever been to. At once refreshing and also the one minor drawback to the show, obviously at no fault of anyone, it was freezing. Not so much at first but after 2-3 hours in 48ºF, the occasional chilly gust made me quite shivery.

After getting to the Winery and paying $20 for parking (ouch), I made my way down to the theatre area and sat expectantly. Eventually Imogen made her way out and presented the first act: a fellow by the name Ben Christophers. He was a good start to the show with some smooth vocals and curious lyrics, backed by his excellent guitar playing. His voice at times reminded me of IAMX's Chris Corner, which is by no means a bad thing, and the songs he played were all pretty enjoyable. Before finishing he plugged his album up at the merch table but in a somewhat comical manner, barely saying it was over there and to buy it. He said he was terrible at selling things but he may've sold me on it just on that pitch. I do love my oxymorons. He then exit the stage, hugging Imogen on the way out and then Imogen presented what I was least ready for in the whole show.

Geese. All I have to say is that when Imogen "warned" that magic came out of their violins, I thought it was an exaggeration. Well, that's definitely not all I have to say. A young man and woman carrying violins stepped unassumingly unto the stage. They started gliding their bows on their violins, I thought tuning them but they kept going, eventually beginning to add effects to them. At a certain point they started to sound like wolf howls and then that mixed with a siren song, and this was just the beginning. Geese made violins sound like, not only how I've never heard violins sound but like things I've never heard in my life. At times they even sang (or blew) into the microphones in their violins to create even more impossible sounds. For a few songs they brought out Imogen's band's drummer and together made such a crazy amalgamation of noises and sounds that I wasn't sure I'd make it to see Imogen. The young girl in the band was adorable, ending her little spiel with a quaint "good-bye" and then they played one more song to round out their savage set.

After the violin storm, they walked out greeting Imogen and she then came out, silent but with a plastic tube in her hands. An avid follower of her vBlogs on youtube, I instantly recognized it. It's a sort of toy you spin in the air to make a sort of howling sound and in fact you can actually tune it! In classic Imogen manner she began looping various sounds. The howling tube, some oohs and aahs, the perennial mbira and so began taking shape the first song. As she continued to layer the various bits and pieces of the backing melody, in came trickling the various band members each one adding one more bit to the song until finally it hit me and I recognized it. The Walk! One of my favorite songs from Speak For Yourself and a most excellent start to the show. Once she started singing the first few words, "Inside out, upside down twisting beside myself", I was practically giggling in my giddiness.

From this point on, as much as I'd like to retell the entire show song by song, I simply cannot trust myself to remember neither the order nor the finest details of each performance so I'll do what is hopefully second best and recount some key moments or interpretations that still jump freshly in my mind two days after the show. Also, now's a good time to make yourself a sandwich because we're only about halfway done. :P Spoiler: the moral of this story will be that if you have not seen Imogen Heap in concert and get the opportunity to do so, you owe it to yourself to experience it. Yes, it's an experience!

After The Walk, the show continued to go from amazing, wonderful, beloved song to the next. Imogen Heap has discovered, and seemingly loves crowd-sourcing. Basically, it's using an audience to find answers, make decisions, you name it. She's done this through youtube and Twitter quite expertly. For this tour, she's been encouraging audience participation from before the show even happens. (We'll get to the in-show audience participation soon.) One of the finer points, I thought, was having a sort of poll for each show where you could vote on your favorite Imogen songs and basically help construct her set list. Here clearly hoping most people would gravitate towards the more popular songs, and that invariably happening. Despite not playing what may be my favorite of hers, Closing In, the set was absolutely fantastic and I could not have asked for more.

Earth was one such crowd-sourced song. For this one Imogen has had a youtube group where talented fans can upload a rendition of the backing vocals for the song Earth. if you've yet to hear it, Earth is an impressive feat: an a cappella song composed of at least 30 vocal tracks all done by Imogen. Because it would be, I imagine, too time consuming or strenuous to do this song on her own, Imogen decided to have her fans help her out and that they have. She mentioned this show's may yet be her favorite Earth performance so far. In walked two women. They were so very different but it was evident that it was that very difference that gave them the chemistry vital to being able to pull this off. With Imogen standing between them they began their bit and the crowd went crazy. They were utterly nailing it. Good show you two.

One of the more interesting surprises of the show was when Imogen mentioned something about the cold (this happened a lot, we were all freezing) and then said to bring in a fire, at which point the stage burst in flames(!), so to speak. That is, a projector sent forth the image of a fire upon the stage and most of the lights went dark as the song began to the sound of a particular piece of wood burning, its story having been told by Imogen moments before. At all this, of course, I thought she was going to play The Fire but as the song grew I knew it couldn't be. The Fire is simply a piano piece played to the sounds of that very flame (and hooting owl). But the song grew and the projected fire was joined by a multitude of red lights effectively dying the stage and stone wall a bright scarlet and I soon recognized the whispers of the beginning of Canvas. Arguably my favorite song in Ellipse, Canvas is a breathtaking piece with cryptic lyrics, syncopated guitar, modulating bass and beautiful harmonies. It was as much peaceful as it was overwhelming in the grandest sense of the word. I cannot begin to portray all this performance was but imagine seeing the stage lit up in red at night on a chilly eve.

Towards the end of the show Imogen once again pulls the audience in to participate as catalysts to her endless creativity. Throughout this tour she has been doing a unique improvisation act at each venue. She asks the audience for a key, be it A#m or E flat or what have you, a time signature like 3/4 or 6/8 and a tempo and comes up, on the spot, with a brand new song. This song is recorded right there and they do their mixing magic on it after the show and sell it to benefit a particular local charity. She said, however, that lately she's been asking an audience member for a melody instead of her coming up with it. Well I confess now that I was the idiot jumping up and down next to his seat at the chance to be called upon to have a melody of my choosing be immortalized by Imogen for a good cause. However, my greatest efforts were not enough to get her attention halfway across the theatre and my phone almost broke when it flew out of my pocket. I have no regrets!!! That said, she did a neat, upbeat song kicked off by some drums, which she claims she can't play but we all know better. The one she did for us isn't up yet but it will be in http://www.imogenheap.com/charity/ soon. In the mean time, do check out some of the others and definitely grab a couple to support the causes!

After this we were asked to stand up and sing, literally. Before the song, Imogen divided the audience in three parts and taught each a part of Just For Now. The three parts overlay into a wonderful harmony that backs the main vocal, which Imogen proceeded to sing over us. We were Imogen's track! She even taught us the rhythm part that goes on during the verse of the song. As the song winds down your hear the whole audience softly singing alone with Imogen in a diminuendo that gives any choir a run for its money. It's an exquisite experience being part of the creative effort behind a song, even if many have done it before you. Furthermore, because I love to sing, these little bits were like some sort of dream come true.

Tidal was yet another face melting number. According to the vBlogs, it was the hardest song for Imogen to get through in the writing process for Ellipse but it came out splendidly. It's an energetic, bouncy and fun song that the whole band seemed to be super into throughout. And then... at the end of the song for the rock solo of the night, Imogen steps off a little bit to get back her keytar and a pair of 80's sunglasses and vehemently ROCKS OUT while the lights go crazy effectively triggering the electric bursts in every synapse in my brain simultaneously causing me to explode, squee and smile so wide I'd put the cheshire cat to shame. Point in case, it was the show's highlight for me.

Immi ended the show on her now classic Hide and Seek. Unfortunately at this point in the night the wind was beginning to pick up and was messing with her harmonizer's microphone and causing the wind itself to get harmonized. For the record, Pocahontas, Imogen can sing with all the voices of the mountain. So even at great pains and excuses, everybody loved Hide and Seek and even here yet again we all sang with her the "ransom notes keep falling out your mouth" part at the end. A tender and vulnerable moment as we all froze on the side of a mountain singing together in the shivering seat and distorted, harmonized wind. A fitting end.

It was an amazing show, whose surface I've barely begun to scratch in this retelling. I didn't mention the glass harmonica she played or the ambiance during Little Bird but perhaps you should just try to catch a show ;) Imogen Heap, I'm proud to be a fan. Excellent show. Hope to see and sing with you again soon.

-Emilio

Twitterer's Block

So, at the behest of my desire keep up with this darn blog, here's a brand new post! For whatever reason, I seem to have with my blog the same dilemma people often have with Twitter. "I don't know what to say" or "I have nothing to write about" seems to be a common deterrent for those trying to evangelize their friends into Twitter. It gives me the notion of being part of the audience listening to a lecture or some famous person and out of the blue you're given the microphone and asked to speak. Most are nothing less than nonplussed at this turn of events. Twitter would only be like that in the sense that your voice has the potential to reach millions.

Of course, the internet has that lovely veil of anonymity, which gives most the peace of mind to say some preposterous things with little to no repercussions. On the other hand, it also allows millions to experience the thoughts, trivial as they may be, of millions eager, or at least willing enough to share.

I have to say, though, one of the things that attracted me to twitter originally was the fact that the relationship in twitter need not be mutual. That is, as you may well know, you don't need to be followed by those you follow. And, of course, those you follow are under no obligation to follow you as well. That is why most tweeting celebrities follow a handful of people but have thousands, if not millions, of followers. I suppose the reason I was fond of this is because I, like presumably everybody else, want to be heard. And not just by my peers but by anybody willing to listen. I love sharing my knowledge and opinions and, given the opportunity, will gladly do so. In practice, however, this doesn't really turn out. My followers are probably 75%~ peers and 25% companies or groups interested in nothing more than gaining followers as a means to increases their follower count and push whatever it is they're promoting.

And just like that I guess I can't really say I have nothing to write about. It would seem in my case the process of writing is more about effecting the initial spark that births the fire in my brain than it is "having", so to speak, something to say.

[[Got opinions? Do you vehemently disagree with me or want to frame every word I said and hang it on the wall of your firstborn's room? Somewhere in the middle? I'd love to hear it! I <3 comments. Look I'm fishing for them right now! Look how many sentences with exclamation points I just used!!!]]

The earthquake and the deal with the devil

This has been in my mind ever since I found out about what Pat Robertson said. If you haven't yet found out, Pat Robertson said that the earthquake that happened in Haiti can be attributed to its people having made a deal with the devil. Regardless of whether you're a christian or not, this is bound to sound some alarms in your head. I'm only echoing what others have said when I say that what he said is at the very least judgmental and at worst, well, anti-christian. Not even the best of us has an iota of the authority it takes to begin to imagine putting words in God's mouth or saying He did this or that for this or that reason.

Now, while it's true that Haiti is pretty much the Voodoo capital of the world, that doesn't mean everybody and their mom in Haiti practices it, and even if they did, that still doesn't mean they're better or worse people than the rest of us. Fundamentally, none of us are perfect which means if you gotta be perfect to be good, we've all failed the test. So his "justification" of the earthquake would also justify a meteor falling square in the face of the USA because there's people that have made deals with the devil. The point is, every country has both people that do good and people that do evil but beyond that, we're all the same needy people deep inside. Instead of pondering why God allowed such a terrible thing to happen in Haiti, we should think about what we can do to help them. At this point we can't do anything for the ones that died but there's still many more in the country who've lost more in a day than some of us have lost in our whole lives up to this point.

Here's an easy way, straight from red cross:
Donors can text "Haiti" to 90999 on their cell phone to send a $10 donation to support Red Cross relief efforts in Haiti. The mobile giving effort raised more than $3 million by Thursday morning, and all money raised goes to support Red Cross relief efforts in Haiti."

Venting

While the logical thing to do would be to make the last post of the year one that is hopeful and bright. I am going to be venting while on the verge of a pity party with just a dash of self-loathing. If that doesn't sound like what you want to read right now, and of course it isn't, here's a perfectly wonderful place you may go to instead: KIbK.

For the brave souls, or those who like rants, or those who like hearing about my unhappiness, congratulations on continuing to read. Here goes! If there is one thing I would rather be doing right now than blogging - well, if you've spoken to me in the past month, you'll surely know what it is - it's playing Final Fantasy XIII. "But Emilio, why aren't you?" you ask. Magnificent question, dear reader. The story is as follows: after ordering the game on November 19th, knowing full well, of course, that it would be coming out December 17th, I excitedly began my wait. At the time, I gave little to no thought to the fact that choosing Air Bubble shipping would cause this much pain. Waiting 5-10( or 14?) days really didn't seem so bad on November 19th. Peering at the calendar, if the game was shipped on the 17th, which, by the way, it was, (sorry for the comma storm) then going by the minimum of 5 days, it would only be the 22nd when the game would arrive. Even going by business days instead of actual days, that would've meant it arrive on the 24th. Now, I'm not dumb and I realize it's the holidays so of course it would take a while longer. Going by that, the 10th day would've been the 27th and still nothing. And in business days, today would've been the day. Again, my mailbox had such wonderful tidings as a letter that wasn't for me and the Sunnyvale newsletter, which I should probably care more for but am currently hopelessly unable to do. At this point, despite the fury that follows the initial disdain with which I have closed my mail box day after day, I am trying to keep a cool, level head. So I try to understand why it would be taking this long and one of the first things to pop into my head is that it may've been lost. Another is that perhaps they couldn't fit the package in my mailbox so they put in one of those salmon colored cards (is it beige or maybe off orange?). Well, although I often get 9 centillion (look it up, it's a real number) ads and coupons in my box, I always look through them scanning for the card that may have been. Oh, I forgot to mention that the packing method I chose, so as not to pay 17+ extra dollars, has no tracking. Anyway, no such card has shown up, or if it has shown up and I somehow missed it among the 9 centillion ads, it's not like I have a real way of checking if it truly came.

So here I am on the last day of 2009, writing an angry/sad blog about how frustrating it is that this game I have obsessed over this entire year, in addition to anticipating for 3 before it, has not yet come. From this point in the blog there are several directions in which I could go. I could write about a) how unsettling it is for me that I care so much about a video game; b) how a coworker has had the game since last Monday; c) how the last 3 days would've been the perfect day for the game to arrive; d) how I obviously have other things I could do to pass the time but really just want to play the darn game; e) how it appears everybody else around me already received their Christmas gifts except for me; f) how much I regret not getting 3 day shipping but how there's no way I could've really foreseen it taking this long even though it probably should've been obvious considering the holidays. Alas, I won't talk about any of those topics. Not that it matters what I talk about in any of the posts on my blog. I have 0 readers.

I think it's time for some comfort food.

The meadow

The meadow's lark tries in secret
The meadow's lark flies in secret
The meadow's lark lies in secret
The meadow's lark cries in secret
The meadow's lark dies in secret

verdant scene

a thrust through the thick bush
a garden replete with a lucious covering
a pierce and swing, unlocking the door
gateway of vine, gently, loudly, quietly yielding

stepping in green tinged light
carefully treading the lilies
lilies not for graves but offerings
wild sylvester sprinkled in the gaps

heaving, bleeding, the pause is untrusted
the chase has been ruthless
rustling leaves and cracking branches
trembling respite breaks again

new sweat drips down the brow
conscious stillness and tempered focus
the sounds flow in an outward march
the secret dome mutes the sigh

clear water mirrors a blinding sun
a safer rest sinks in with each drink
the sweat rolls down the chin and falls
a thundering echo booms through the wood

the heart flits in exasperation
the gaping hole, a fount of blood
air is for naught, light is for naught
every drop of life feeds the lilies

What's-her-face

I've reached a curious point in my knowledge of Japanese. I understand that learning a language is an ongoing process and I've a long road ahead of me even now. However, I've entered a stage that is somewhat unnerving, if not a little bit frustrating. I can best explain it, perhaps, through a metaphor. Whenever I see or hear Japanese now it's as though I'm seeing somebody I've seen a lot in my life for the past few years. This person is awfully familiar and I'm sure I know them. Her features aren't too clear but I can certainly notice some key aspects; the color of the person's eyes or skin tone. Yet within that perception, I'm entirely unable to remember her name. I have countless experiences with this person and I'm sure she's a big part of my life but I can't say I really truly know her. We're just acquaintances, as far as I could tell.

Socially speaking then, I've probably reached the point where it's awkward to ask that person's name because I really should remember it. Of course, that's not exactly the case with the language itself. Instead, I'm at a loss trying to figure out how to get over the hump, so to speak. The other day I was listening to some Japanese music (中島美嘉 if you're curious) and it just hit me that I was understanding most of the words but I just couldn't piece them together to form a thought and thus missed the whole meaning. That's where the above analogy came from. Now, that might just be an effect of it being a song and there not being natural inflections to the lyrics, not to mention they are lyrics so there's a chance they make limited sense on their own. However, the same things seems to happen more or less to the same degree whenever I hear dialogue in a japanese video game, for instance.

Maybe what I need is just to spend more time listening to things in Japanese. At least until it reeeally starts to sink in. Maybe that'll just keep me at this level forever! I should just try to find somebody to speak and practice with. I have the sneaking suspicion that might just be what I need to get through this point. Now to actually finding this kind of person... and then hopefully remembering their name!

The Death of TaT

I've recently gotten to thinking I ought to write about topics other than myself in this blog. However, despite that initial statement, this post is about me. Particularly it is about my nickname: TaT. I suppose it's only fair I explain the origin of TaT for what to me appears the millionth time. Of course, as this is not casual conversation I can actually take my time and give a fuller, more detailed account.

What normally occurs when people ask me about the peculiar name I give is as follows. There's a chance people will begin by asking if it's because I have tattoos. Upon learning that I don't, I generally begin by explaining that TaT is a shortened version of Tatito, "which is my nickname back home." People then invariably ask me what Tatito means, or where that came from. To this I reply explaining that Tatito is the minuscule of Tato, which is, apparently, the nickname naturally given to Emilio's the way Roberts become Bobs and Richards become Dicks, though there may be other reasons certain Richards become dicks :P. The whole Emilio -> Tato thing I only came to know fairly recently. I back that up by relating that my father's name is Emilio and as it's the same as mine, we are both Tato but I am little Tato, thus Tatito.

The next logical link in the chain is how Tatito became TaT. Simply put, I dropped the -ito, and while normally that would revert it to Tato, I liked the ring - and particularly the symmetry, or perhaps balance - of TaT. Now for shortness' sake I often leave it there and people are commonly content with that explanation, as it is already rather lengthy. However, there is more to the story. You see, this change isn't recent. I've been using the TaT moniker since high school. Initially it was the most recent of a string of screen names I used in the MSN Messenger instant messaging client. Previous examples include, much to my dismay ( though I can chalk it off as junior high awkwardness), DragonScythe (as the earliest I can remember and which inspired a short-lived and never finished fantasy novel I had begun to write) and CookySpooky (as the weirdest I can remember), which incidentally has made a comeback as my user name for youtube.

For quite a while, TaT remained as nothing more than my MSN nickname since I didn't have many friends outside of school and I had been Emilio to the ones I had for far too long for them to call me anything else. It wasn't until I started going to youth group at a new church that I was able to give naming myself a go. This was the first time in my life I was introducing myself with no one to recant my claim, which, mind you, makes all the difference. And so, I called myself TaT and somehow it just stuck and people actually called me by it. A comical side effect of said quasi-truthful introduction was that it was several months before many people at that church came to know my real name. Needless to say, I was greatly amused. Ultimately I got so used to be called TaT by English speakers (the youth group was of an American-style church) that when I went to college in the US using TaT to introduce myself was nothing less than a no-brainer. And that's about as much as you could ever hope to know about "TaT".

So back to the point of the post. The other day I was driving and thinking to myself, as I often do when I drive, that the number of people who still call me TaT are people whom I am not in contact with on a very regular basis. In coming to the Bay Area to work at Tiny Prints, I have unconsciously - or so I tell myself - left TaT out of most of my introductions. It goes without saying that for the past month or so I've been meeting a great deal of people.

Probably the strangest part of it all is the fact that I think I might be ok with not being called TaT. It's partially linked to the fact that I've always kept TaT out of my professional life. As an aside, I'll add that "TaT Gandara" is one of my biggest pet peeves. TaT is strictly and exclusively a stand-alone title. Like I mentioned earlier, in school I was always Emilio and even in college, I was only TaT outside of the classroom. In fact, this came to cause some confusion when I shared friends whom I had met within and outside the classroom so that one knew me by TaT and the other by Emilio.

In any case, said confusions have never bothered me. Yet now as the numbers stagnate and even dwindle, I wonder if TaT is beginning to take part in my permanent history and strictly inhabiting my past. I've even gone as far as to wonder 'have I outgrown it?' but the very thought frightens me. I need no further reminder that I'm not getting any younger, even at such an early age. And then I ponder if I, in fact, wish to continue to be called TaT.

For better or worse, there have been recent developments leading to a prolongation of TaT's livelihood. At Eric's (my sempai* at work) church one of the members came to know of TaT during our conversation and in a move very much like how Osaka from Azumanga Daioh got her nick name,

announced to the congregation that I shall henceforth be known as TaT instead of Emilio. I could naught but acquiesce though I can't say I have any true complaints :). Meanwhile at the church in Redwood City, it's rather a mess with me sort of going back and forth adding the TaT part of my introduction only half the time. I suppose I should just pick one, but I am inclined to use Emilio as there isn't that much youth in that congregation. ...Perhaps, seeing as how my litmus test has become there "being much youth", I really might be outgrowing TaT.

So for now, at least, TaT still is alive and kicking. I do believe, however, that so long as I keep in touch with my Rochester, Cleveland or Rocklin friends (and particularly my family, as my nephews are growing up getting to know me as TioTaT), I shall be TaT. Or Tatticus, TaT the rat, Tatterclese, Rattatat-tat...

*sempai (先輩）is Japanese for superior/senior often used in school or work settings.

Gar

At the risk of getting sucked into it and not going to sleep until much later, I feel a sudden urge to write... which I will not listen to! Honestly there is a lot to say but at the same time that feeling is overwhelming me and it'd take way too long to write out everything I want to. So, this quick note is for the sake of populating my blog even a tiny bit. And, while not an apology, perhaps this intent will eventually turn into a huge long post in the future with everything that's been this past month. Then again, maybe not.

I'll stop now before I keep going!!!

I'm back!

Gah! After calling last wednesday - although really I should've called the previous Saturday - and setting up the earliest appointment they could arrange for me, which happened to be the following Monday(!!!), I now have internet at home. It took me all of Monday night just to catch up with everything but now I'm able to relax and had a good hour long kanji practice. It took that long because I settled a little issue I had with Bank of America, or rather logging into my online banking with them.

That's pretty much all I really wanted to say so I'll just stop it here but leave you all with a most amusing link:

Body Paint*

*Don't worry, no nudity ;)